I have been accused several times of having the attitude that I'm better than everyone and that I think I'm perfect. One of these days perhaps I'll actually learn from that. I guess if more than one person says it, it must be true.
The last few months I will admit I've been a real bitch. There is just no other way to say it. I'm angry. I have so much anger pent up inside of me that I don't know what to do with it. I'm angry with stuff at work. I'm angry with stuff at home. I'm angry with life in general and apparently I'm not as good at keeping to myself as I thought- and yet I feel like my true feelings aren't being expressed.
And then there is the fact that I think I'm hilarious. Apparently other people don't feel the same way. What I thought was a brain stretching debate with a friend- he saw as my absolute inability to admit I was wrong. I knew he was right from the very beginning of the conversation, but I thought it was fun to try to get him to see my side of the argument. He didn't. But not only in that situation, I guess my humor is ill placed at times and things I see as witty, clever comments others perceive as insults.
Oh Lord, I've turned into my father! AUGH!!!! (Hi dad!)
What I saw as concern for a friend, was taken as me being intrusive and nosey. I just can't win. True, I have said some things that were out of line- but I guess I hope people will tell me when I'm being a jerk so I can stop- otherwise I don't know and I keep doing it. I usually tell people when they're bugging me- so I assume others will return the favor. I guess not.
Anyway, today was a huge lesson in humility. I know I'm not perfect. I'm so far from it that I can't even see it. But I guess my false confidence doesn't strike people the way I think it should.
I always have to wonder- is that what I'm putting out there? Is that why I'm pathetic, alone and friendless? Probably.
So to those whom I have offended- here is a very impersonal apology. I probably don't realize I've offended you. But seriously, you *have* to tell me when things aren't funny, or when they're hurtful because I probably don't know. I will try to be more aware in the future- and perhaps my snark and sarcasm should take a vacation. I'm old and set in my ways so it's not going to be easy. Please be patient with me and just know that I am *fully* aware of the fact that I am not perfect.