Wednesday, February 24, 2010


My best friend growing up has the funniest runaway story.  She packed candy bars, her stuffed animals and ran away with her "boyfriend" (they were under 10 years old... I can't remember the exact age).  They made it all the way to the park and he decided to go home for dinner. Wimp.

My runaway story isn't nearly so exciting.  I was mad at someone, so I threatened to run away. I went into my room- which was somehow clean at the time- I opened the window that overlooked the front lawn and pushed the curtains out so it would look like I'd jumped out the window.  I wasn't really planning on running away, I just wanted to see if my family would care if I wasn't there.  So I hid under my bed and awaited their reaction.

When they finally unlocked my bedroom door and came in, my dad went to the window and looked out (I imagine, I'm under the bed remember so I can't actually see). He said something like, Where, oh where could she be?  My sister jumped on the bed and hung upside down to look under.  I gave her the "shhhhhh" finger- actually assuming that she wouldn't give away my secret. Hmph, some ally she turned out to be.  She stood up and silently pointed at the bed (she told me that later).  My dad said, "Well, I guess we should call the police" 

He was bluffing, right? I stayed under the bed, excited that he cared I was gone, but scared because he was going to call the police. I waited.  I heard dialing, my sister talking saying, "My little sister ran away. We need help finding her."

They called? They really called? I was elated to know they cared! I scooted out from under the bed and ran to the dining room where my sister was on the phone next to my dad. "I'm here, I'm here," I shouted. My sister handed me the phone.  She'd called Time and Temperature.


What is it about running away that is so appealing? Here I am, 25 years later, and I still want to run away. I find myself getting into ruts far too quickly.  I am itchy. I want change. I thought a change of jobs would help- but losing my job and spending the last FIVE months looking for one- has not helped. It's just created a new rut.  I hate moving, but I want to get out of here. There's a really big world and I want to see it. I'm just afraid wherever I go, I'll just end up in another rut.  How do you deal with that? How do you get used to the sameness of life day after day?

I have always said I wanted to be a housewife, but honestly, I don't know if I could do it.  I admire the people who can.  I don't know if I have the attention span for it. It would be fun for a while, but then I would get set in a routine and slowly go crazy.  But I want roots. I don't want to be a drifter.

I don't know what I want. I'm crazy. We'll leave it at that.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Go Towards the Light

I don't know where I heard it, but years ago someone told me that when you have a sneeze stuck in your nose, that if you look at a light it will help the sneeze to come out- or in some cases go away.

I have no idea what the science behind that theory is, but for me it works.  Only, today I am a snotty drippy mess in the middle of the library trying to cling to any time I can spend away from home and on the Internet.

It seems every time I look at a light, I sneeze, then ooze, then run to the bathroom to blow my nose. I can barely see to type because my eyes are running like leaky showers. At some point it would just be easier to go home, curl up with my box of Puffs con Lotion and watch a movie.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Selfish Pig

Ok, So I have this friend... she is working on a little something this year. She hates to mention her goals out loud because they have a tendency to come back to haunt her if they go awry.  But, no one reads this anyway, so I can admit all her faults if I want without fear of repercussions... right?

She is trying to be more service oriented. She needs to think more of her fellow man than herself. She still hasn't gotten quite up to date on her visiting teaching- but she has her own issues with assigned friendship that she needs to work through. She loves the girls she goes to- but she hates the feeling that they might think the only reason she's being nice to them is because she has to. Just like she feels her own visiting teachers would never have anything to do with her if they didn't have to say hi at least once a month.

Anyway, yesterday in church she talked to a girl who is fairly new to the ward and seemed to need a little extra comfort.  She took her under her wing and gave her this comfort, a ride home, and her phone number.  See, this friend, we'll call her... Sally, has a really hard time with people who seem overly needy and clingy and therefore tries to avoid relationships with such people.  The new girl, we'll call her... Pattie, has always seemed just such a person- hence Sally avoided her. Not being out and out rude- but just never making the gesture of friendship.

Well, today Sally got her reminder of why she isn't nice to people.  Not even 24 hours went by before Pattie was calling and asking for favors.  Sally, being such an independent person, has a hard time asking people for favors.  I mean, it's one thing to borrow a pan or something, but it's another to ask a person to go out of their way for her.  Yeah, she needs rides to the airport now and then, but she only asks people that she's known for a long time and is really comfortable with- not someone she *just* met..  She just doesn't understand the kind of person who would take advantage of an acquaintanceship.  It's not even a friendship yet.  And sadly, Sally will probably do what she can to avoid it in the future- but it's probably too late now.

And it's not even that she would be adverse to doing the favor for a friend- someone she has an actual relationship with- someone she's comfortable with.  She treats her friends like family (probably better than her family if truth be told) and would bend over backwards for them.  She has skipped the state for friends before, left her job to be with a friend who needed a shoulder to cry on, given help to her friends in anyway she could think of... but this is an acquaintance, a *fresh* acquaintance.

Sally's only reason for not wanting to do the favor is purely selfish.  It's not like she has places to be and things to do- at five in the morning.  But still, just the thought of doing it- and having it most likely be the beginning of a string of requests she can't say no to... Ugh.

Selfish Selfish Selfish.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Super Bowl Sunday

You know, to look at me you wouldn't think I'm much of a football fan. And chances are you're assumption would be correct. I can't tell you what the plays mean, I just barely learned what a first down is and I still don't know the difference between a feild goal and a punt.


I totally celebrated Super Bowl XLIV!  I made homemade pizza and watched movies *about* football. That counts don't you think?  I watched "We Are Marshall" and Remember the Titans."

I turned it to CBS just in time to see them hand over the trophy.  I sent a text to my big brother asking him who Vince Lombardi was so he'd think I was cool and watched the game. I don't think he bought it.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

News to me

I went shopping today and the sales girl told me I don't have a butt...

How does someone who wears the pant size that I do (there is less fabric in circus tents) not have a butt?  What is this thing I've been sitting on for the last five unemployed months?