The Forbidden List

I once had a Stake President who told us not to make "wish lists" for what we wanted in a future companion. So, I tore up all the lists that my Young Women's leaders had told me to write during my Personal Progress years, and since then, I've tried really hard not to make lists. But let's be real. We all have lists. With every inch of sincerity I possess- I hope that all of you dear readers found someone who fulfilled- or even exceeded your list.  As I get older, my list gets more and more detailed and specific. I don't have any real dating experience, but I've been around my friend's and families marriages to know what I do and don't want. If you have a high opinion of me (snrfff) and don't want to lose that- you maaaaaaay want to stop reading, because the rest of this post will reveal what a shallow snob I am.

The absolute musts

• He must be an active, temple attending member of the LDS church. There was a time when I thought- "naaaah... I could be with someone who is a member of a different faith" but I've seen too many marriages on the rocks because of that very fundamental lifestyle choice (yes- being Mormon is a lifestyle choice- not just a faith base). True- not every member of the LDS church is amazing. I've met some real crap-heads, trust me. My own grandfather was a child molesting son of a... well... anyway, I am just trying to illustrate that I am not holding LDS people above member of other faiths. There are jerks in every church. I have met some absolutely amazing Muslims, Buddhists, Agnostics, Atheists, Jewish, Hindus and "traditional" Christians- but again- being LDS is a lifestyle, not just a faith and I want someone who lives the same lifestyle.
• He must have a job. A good job. An actual career. Especially at this time in life. None of this, "my husband can't keep a job" or "he is starting his career over again at 35 and again at 38 and one more time at 40." Just... No. I'm not looking for a sugar daddy. I don't mind working. In fact, I'd kind of like to because I don't think I have the attention span to be a housewife, but I don't want to be the bread-winner.
• He has to be educated. I need someone I feel I am on an equal footing with. Not that I'm exceptionally gifted in the brain department- but sometimes I really feel like I have to dumb down my conversation. I get made fun of for my vocabulary all the time- people think I'm pretentious- when really, I'm just the kind of person who knows the meaning of words and puts them to proper use.
• He absolutely has to be tolerant of my obsessions. It would be nice if he shared them- but I'm ok if he doesn't share my love of Doctor Who and Harry Potter. But I can't handle being mocked because of the silly things that I like.
• He has to love Disney. It is part of who I am. It's part of my past, present and future. He doesn't have to be able to challenge me at Disney Trivia- but he has to be accepting of the fact that I'm the kind of person who cries when she goes to Disneyland because it's just so magical and my happy place. He can't roll his eyes when I go to the theater and cry at the end of movies like Tangled and Toy Story (and at the beginning of movies like Up).
• He HAS to be clean. I mean- he showers regularly- and wears clean, well fitting clothes. He knows how to dress- I'm not talking name brand trendy spend a zillion dollars on a tee shirt kind- but there are so many guys out there who just stink- and don't care what they look like, who wear dumpy raggedy clothes. My mythological man cares what he looks- and smells like.

Things that are negotiable

• It would be really nice if he was from the UK. First of all- the accents there are dead sexy. And it would be even better if he was from Scotland- because otherwise my tartan wedding where the men are wearing kilts (oh, hell yes they will be wearing kilts) might get awkward. So it really would be better for everyone if he was already from there and kilt wearing and bagpipes in the background didn't raise eyebrows.
• It would be nice if he was taller than me. I already feel like a monster, I would like someone who makes me feel feminine, and towering over your man... well... it may work for some- but it makes me feel even more like a beast.
• It would be nice if he could sing- or play the piano- or a combination of the two.
• I would be quite pleased if he was a romantic. I'm not talking the poem spouting, constantly hovering kind- in fact, that bugs me. "I'm not a girl for sentimental tripe, I never go for the Romeo type" [ten points to the person who can tell me what movie that song is from], but if he could remember things that I like and somehow work them in to special occasions... I dunno... maybe that kind of guy only exists in books.
• I would prefer a man who likes to travel. I want to see the world- and I intend upon doing so. It would be nice if he came with me.
• If he liked cats I wouldn't be at all sad. I've never had a dog. I could probably do a dog- but I really do like cats. But this isn't required because lately I've just seen pets as one more thing to be sad about when they die/leave me. Plus they kind of stink and make a mess and ruin furniture... ok, nevermind. Forget I even mentioned animals. If he wants a fish, he can have one- as long as he cleans the tank.
• I hope and pray that his family is normal. My number one reason for being glad I'm single is the fact that I don't have in-laws. I hear absolute horror stories from almost all my friends. Ugh... not looking forward to that. Not even a little. But- even if his family is nuts-o, I can't hold it against him if he really is the one for me. Just like he can't hold it against me that my family is uhhh... well... like me.
• It would be nice if he looked like/was Richard Armitage (ok, not really- but I'm just throwin' the idea out there- you know, just in case).

So if you know anyone who fits this description, send him my way.

And when you do find him, tell him to bring his pet unicorn and we'll go for a ride over the rainbow to visit the leprechauns in Narnia.