Sunday, November 18, 2012

Sure fire ways to not get invited back to GNO

I have learned the sure-fire way to never be invited to a girls night out ever again! Just follow these simple ten steps and you'll find that you too, will never be invited back.

Step one: be the bearer of bad news that the movie you've all been planning on seeing for a week is sold out. Seriously. It's been out for like, a month and it was sold out. It's not even like we were trying to see the new Twilight- which I could understand being sold out... but.. really? anyway..

Step two: Tell everyone to go to  a different theater- which gets them stuck in traffic for a half hour behind a wreck that is blocking all of creation from getting by.

Step three: Pick a restaurant that makes everybody sick. We tried our hand at Joe's Crab Shack. Should'a known that one just from the name. Anywhere that sells T shirts asking, "Got Crabs?" can't be a classy establishment.

Step four: Use your friends fist as a microphone while you sing along to the song in the movie trailer and she stares at you like you've just grown another head and announced that you're secretly dating your cat.

Step five: Lose your keys.  (This is where you really start to drive home the fact that even though you sit at home most of your weekends off, you just don't belong in public with normal people [I use the term "normal" rather loosely]). Then make everyone crawl around on the popcorn and soda smattered floor looking for them. Just for good measure, bring in theater management and security to help look- just so they'll agree with your friends that you should not be invited on another GNO.

Step six: Make your friend drive you half way across the country to get to your house- to which you do not have a key to get in and no one is awake at home and won't wake up to the beatings on the door or the ringing phone. Then, once you've finally remembered the secret entrance to the house that no other living person knows, you get your spare key and have her drive you back across the country to your car.

Step seven: As soon as you say your goodbyes, wait till she's out of sight, then call her and tell her your car won't start. No matter what you do. If you're lucky, she's a beautiful, brave woman who has no trouble getting the nearest guy to slobber over her and offer help (If I'd asked, he would have said he didn't have jumper cables and revved his little Mustang away as fast as his horses could take him).

Step eight: Make her call the tow truck because you are too technologically deficient to have a phone with Internet.

Step nine: Keep her out all hours of the night, away from her husband and cute babies, with her sister dying in the car from the dinner that she ate. Wait till the tow truck comes then make her stand out in the freezing cold rain with you- even though she's only wearing flip flops.

Step ten: When mall security shows up wanting to know why there is a tow truck in the parking lot, make her do the talking because you just feel like... well... an ass.

Seriously though- It was all a bit of a miracle. When we first learned my keys were missing, Kaetty offered a prayer (her faith never ceases to amaze me). We retraced all our steps and thought the only possible place I could have put them down was at Deseret Book when I stopped in to buy some chocolates to sneak into the movie (is this Karma? Really?). But it was after 11:00 and of course DB was closed. Then my spare wouldn't start my car. I have never had a problem with my car so I was absolutely baffled!  We got chatting with the tow guy who tried to jump the car as well as the noble boy in the mustang- and he wondered if it was because my spare key did not have the chip in it- so it would open the door, but not start the ignition. Huh... I didn't know cars do that.

When the security guards came up to find out what was going on, Kaetty told them that it wouldn't start and I interjected that it'd been a long night already with the missing keys and all. The guard asked, "have you been to Deseret Book tonight?" I affirmed we had, "Well they have your keys. I have her phone number and she said when someone came back for them that she'd come open the store and get them. She only lived a few blocks away. By this time it was one a.m. She came! that is what I call amazing service! I just can't believe she would do that. They aren't even open until Monday!

Anyway, we were hoping that if I could have my regular key, that would start it and I wouldn't have to have it towed. So the tow truck guy graciously waited while the security guard walked back with me to wait for the lady to open the store.

The story has a happy ending with my car starting right up as soon as I had the proper key. I am just so grateful for good people in the world: for the tow truck guy who stuck around even though he didn't have to and knew he probably wouldn't get paid (I did give him some money- but not as much as he would have made towing my car), the security guards for coming over to see what the deal was and ultimately having the KEY to saving the day, the lady at Deseret Book who came back at one in the morning to get my keys for me, and most of all, to Kaetty and poor Rachel for sticking by my side until I was back in my car and heading home.


Heather said...

Love it! And seriously, I don't think you could ever really do anything that would make you not invited to a GNO. GNOs always, ALWAYS, rock when they involve you. THis makes me miss you. Love you!!

Amy said...

This has bakeshow written ALL OVER IT. :) hahaha - seriously, thank you so much for sharing because this was the most hilarious thing I have read on a blog in a long, long time.