Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Uninvited Guests

An idiosyncrasy about me you may not know:  I hate bugs, spiders, creepy crawly critters, etc.  When I am in my house and a creepy crawly crosses my path, it dies.  No questions asked  (well, I will ask someone else to kill it if there is another person's shoes available,*  but if not, I do the deed myself- which grosses me out to no end). But when I am outside, I do not harm the little bugs. I figure, I'm in their home so I am the intruder.  I don't barge into their home and kill them (mosquitoes are another story. Yes, I am in their home, but I am there peacefully and they are the ones picking the fight.  If they get caught poking their noses into my business, they die) and generally when we are out of doors we can coexist.

I think my fear of creepy crawlies dates back to the time- shortly after Halloween- when I was helping my mom deliver a wedding cake to the church across the street. There had been a party there the night before with all kinds of spooky-ish decorations. As I walked into the church behind my mom, I spied a plastic spider on the ground. I thought it would be funny to put it somewhere where someone would see it and freak out. Turned out the joke was on me. It was real- and alive.

Then there was the time I was living in Provo. A HUGE spider was in our living room and being the silly girls that we were- we went next door to get a boy to come get it. This big guy comes over, I mean, he's 6'4 and 200- something pounds. He leaned to hit the spider with a shoe- and missed. The spider jumped- and when it landed it reared back in fighting position- four legs in the air on the defensive. Have you ever seen a 6'4, 200- something pound guy jump up on a couch and scream like a girl? I have.

Spiders are all well and good when they are used in decoration.  Like my friend's purple glittery spiders. Super cute and the perfect finishing touch.  I was in the "lowest level of hell" tonight (aka Walmart) and they had some fancy shmancy spider decorations too.  I wouldn't have minded them. But why do the for real ones feel like they need to move in with me? Do they come as an accessory to the creepy corn husk doll wall paper? Is it punishment for all the innocent spiders I killed outdoors as a child? Is it revenge for that spiders nest I wiped out several years ago? (it was in my closet! What was I supposed to do? Eeeyuch!) Why? Why do they think my room is the most hospitable room in the house? If it's not my bedroom it's my bathroom. They're not even pretty spiders. They are gross brown ones the size of a fifty cent piece (do any of you know what those look like? You're not ~that~ young are you?). And they leave juicy messes when you pound them with a flip flop.  Why can't they just die when I spot them and let me vacuum them up?  At least this year (knock on particle board) there are no Hobos.


*sidenote-  I can NOT be wearing the shoes being used to kill thecreepy crawly.  I have to hit it with a shoe I am not wearing.  I absolutely under no circumstances can step on a critter.  I felt the crunch once and I've never been the same since.

2 comments:

Nick & Tiffany said...

Hmmm, have you been looking at my photos??? Spiders & Snakes live at my house - thankfully they don't go further than the garage! 2 Weeks ago we had spiders covered with babies in our garage - feel like throwing up yet? Have I mentioned my dislike of this place?

Matthew & Lisa said...

I know exactly what you mean!!! There is this excellent spray stuff made by hot shot that is spider killer spray. It kills spiders pretty quickly, although not right away. The good part though is that once you have sprayed them they don't jump or run very fast. It's good stuff.