Thursday, May 15, 2014

Pretty Fly for a White Guy

On my 21st birthday, my friends Heather and Amanda kidnapped me from my house, blindfolded me, paraded me around town with this ridiculous blindfold that announced I was 21 and ended up taking me to a surprise destination. A bar. A BAR??? I'd never been in a bar before! I felt so scandalous! We sat at a table and ordered virgin drinks and mozzarella sticks (we're classy). 

The thing about this bar was... well, It was a karaoke bar. They wouldn't  let me leave until I sang. I picked out the song that was forever to become my go-to karaoke song, "Hopelessly Devoted" from Grease. I rocked it! I totally rocked it! I even got a standing ovation! I mean- I was the first person in a long line of people who could carry a tune, so automatically I was awesome.

Fast-forward a bunch of years later...

This week is hospital week at my place of work. Why? I don't know. All I know is that they give us free stuff and have random activities that no one can really participate in because most of us are *gasp* working. 

Do you see where this is going? Does foreshadowing mean nothing to you?

Today's random activity was a grand karaoke party. They've been announcing it for weeks. I don't normally get involved in hospital stuff- but this one intrigued me. If only I weren't a giant feathery chicken! I let the sign up date come and go and didn't do anything about it. I mean- I joked about it- teased others that they should sign up- but had no intention of doing so myself.

My friend who has been off work forever didn't know there was a party going on- so I immediately started teasing that he should sign up, I'm sure they'd let him. He said that he did have a jam that he rocked pretty hard- and I dared him. I said, "I'll do it if you do it!"

So down to the par-tay we went (luckily it was a slow-ish day in the ER so we could do it and leave our poor other coworker there to hold the fort). There were some ok singers, one freaking awesome singer that no one wanted to follow, and a loooooot of empty time slots.

"Come on- go sign up!" I said with a little nudge to the elbow.

"I'm thinking that's not going to happen," said the even bigger chicken than me.

I asked the person who looked like she was in charge if we could still sign up- there were lots of spaces and a few no shows to boot- so to keep the party going- they were letting pretty much anyone in. I grabbed the book and took it back to him.

"Look, your song is totally in this book! you *have* to do it!"

"You do it."

"No way- I'm chickening out- but you have to do it."

"I'm not going to do it. Let's go back inside."

"We can't go back inside- because I'm going to do it!" I grabbed the book and walked to the judges table and asked "Where do I sign up?"

The judge asked what my song was- 

"Hopelessly Devoted"

"When do you want to go?"

"As soon as possible because I really should probably get back to work."

"Well, the person who is signed up for right now didn't show up- so how about right now?"

Immediately the blood drained from my face. "Now?"

"You said as soon as possible and you can't get sooner than now."

I couldn't feel my hands. Or my feet. Or my face. Or my lungs. I couldn't breathe. How the hell was I supposed to sing?! It's been so long since I've sung in front of people. The last time I did it I made such a fool of myself. I mean- I can sing in choirs and church and stuff like that- but solo with a microphone singing something I'm supposed to belt? Oh my gosh. I may very well have peed myself and I wouldn't have even known.

Luckily the microphone kept going out on me so people didn't hear half the song anyway. I was crap. I'm honestly not fishing for compliments. It was crap. BUT I lived to tell about it. 

When I got back to the sunny corner we were hiding in- which wasn't nearly as uncrowded as I remember it being... where did all those people come from? Were there always so many people there watching? Gah! I stood in the sun to try to warm my hands. I was freeeeezing! I always get cold when I'm nervous!

My friend turned to me and said, "Do you have any idea how much I hate you right now?" What? Did that mean what I thought it meant?! It DID! My making a complete ass of myself gave him the courage to attempt the same! He went to the judges, gave them his song and he was up next! *squeeee!!!*

There is nothing that will make your day faster than seeing a 6'3 whiter than white guy sing Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On. Oh my gosh it was the best thing ever! He brought down the house! I'm pretty sure it's my new favorite work memory. I was armed with my iPad and meant to record the whole thing- but somehow only ended up with pictures of it...? I don't know. I was planning on using it for blackmail- but it blew up in my face because he actually recorded ME!

But by mutual agreement, we deleted all evidence from electronics. I *watched* him delete the video of me. He only assumes I deleted his.


Melissa Ann said...

I love love this post! I believe I heard you smash Hopelessly Devoted in February! it was amazing!

Melissa Ann said...

Love Love this post! I have heard you sing Hopelessly Devoted and you smashed it!