Friday, December 20, 2013

Letting the Cat Out of the Bag

Ok... so I haven't been posting as much lately. There are several reasons- not the least of which I'm just lazy- but that's not the biggest of all the reasons either. I have actually been wanting to post for a while- but I don't like posting when I'm sad- and I have not been having a very happy month.

Remember this post?  It's a lot of the same stuff... my year has been a recurring nightmare.

Family things aside- (because this blog is not a place for me to air the family laundry unless it suits my selfish personal needs- and this does not.) I have been on a complete roller coaster of emotions.

Once again I was up for an awesome job. I was personally recommended by the person I would work closest with and I took that as a HUGE compliment. It was perfect for me! I'd get to travel a lot, teach people and finally feel like I'm putting my brain and talents to good use and making money off of them. I interviewed over the phone the first time. It was at 8:00 in the morning and I was in my jammies with my fraggle hair and sitting on my bed. My friend who recommended me was in on the interview and told me I did a really good job ( I HAAAAATE interviewing!!!)

She encouraged me and said I was a really strong candidate. A week or so later I got an email at work to set up an appointment for a Skype interview. That was a little scarier, but I thought I could do it. So the appointed time came and there was a technological malfunction. They could see me- but I couldn't see them- they conducted the group interview anyway. There were about 10 people interviewing me. They tried to introduce them to me and tell me what their positions on the team were- but I have no idea... because I couldn't see them. When they finally did get it to work, I was looking at a table full of people and the back of someones head. I still couldn't see faces or recognize people. If I ran into any of them tomorrow- I would not recognize one of them.

Anyway- I did not feel it went very well, but once again, my friend talked me through it and said I didn't do as badly as I thought.

THEN a few days after that, I got a phone call from the landlady of an apartment I was looking at this past summer (the same one from that post) and she said that she had an opening and it's mine if I want it. So I started to get really excited about things- making plans- fantasizing about the new job and the new home....

For those of you who don't know any of this stuff was going on- don't feel badly. I didn't tell anyone... well- I told as few people as possible. Why? Because it's me- and inevitably everything turns to crap and I get tired of explaining it over and over and OVER and OVER because well meaning people want to know the progress of things. The Universe is just determined that things remain hell for me.

One very bad day while in the middle of dealing with family stuff, I got a phone call from Nashville- I am not moving forward in the interviewing process. He went on with some nonsense about not selling my teaching experience- which is total crap because that's all I talked about. I even talked about things that we not even closely relevant to the job- but still counted as teaching experience. (I have other suspicions of why I was not chosen, but they are not very friendly ones, so I'll keep those semi-private) I got the phone call while on my lunch and sat in my car and cried for the rest of the time. I was so sure- so SURE I'd get the job. It was all just so perfect. It would have fit my personality and lifestyle perfectly.

Then I got a text from the landlady- the girl didn't move out... I don't know if that was just a delay- or if she changed her mind and decided to stay... but either way, that has once again come to a grinding halt and I haven't heard from her since.

And to top it all off- someone stole my lunch out of the fridge at work.

So yeah- you see? that's why I haven't been posting much lately. I have just been all over the place. I've not wanted to talk about it- but I feel like I need to record something.

Three times this year this cycle has happened, the family stuff, the apartment and the job- they all seem to go together and they never turn out in my favor. I'm beginning to feel a little Groundhog Day-ish and wondering what it is I need to change so that things finally turn out right.


Melissa Ann said...

How does that happen to you! You are amazing I don't know why these people can't see it!

Camie Marie said...

This post made me cringe so much for you. Whenever I read your posts, I feel like I'm living them with you and then the sad happens and I wish I could kick someone (not you). You are wonderful and I don't say that lightly. You truly are wonderful.