You get what you pay for

It's no surprise that for the last few years I've been hunting for a cave. A dwelling. A home- be it a house or an apartment- something I can call my own, walk around in my skivvies if I so choose, invite people over without asking permission, decorating however the heck I want and stocking the fridge and freezer full of things like fudgesicles, chocolate milk and frozen pizzas without anyone judging me.

The last few months I have kind of redoubled my efforts. I wasn't supposed to live here two years. A few months maybe, but not two years.

I tried the buying route- but everything that was within my budget was a total dump- and I don't want to buy just for the sake of buying. If it's not somewhere I could comfortably live and invite people over without being embarrassed- I don't want to buy. So I've been looking at renting.

The thing there though- is that I'm just so damn broke! I can't freaking afford anything in this city! I have called on every add in the classifieds. I have driven up and down the streets calling on any For Rent sign that I could see. Nothing. I can't afford anything that isn't a cardboard box.  And it's not like I'm being super picky. I've lived in Jersey. I know ghetto. Trust me.

At first my demands were Two bedrooms and a washer and dryer in the unit- no roommates.

I still would prefer not to have roommates. I don't think that at 35 years of age that is an unreasonable request. Actually, I don't think any of those are unreasonable. But I lowered my standards and said- Ok, it can be one bedroom and I can do a laundromat if I have to. I've done it before- I can do it again. So I started looking at those.

I haven't gotten anyone from a complex to call me back. Fine. A few of the basement apartments looked really promising so I checked out a few. Am I just being too picky? seriously. I don't know how people in this city get away with charging so freaking much for SO little! There was one- it was so small you couldn't swing a flea and it was totally out of my price range. They'd fixed it up nicely- mostly. You'd have to put your feet in the bathtub if you wanted to sit on the toilet- but maybe that's just me being snobbish.

There was one that looked really really nice, but the bedroom was so small you'd have to step on the bed to get to the closet. It literally ONLY fit a bed, and I would have had to suck in my gut to turn around in the kitchen (fat people need not apply for that place).

The next one was decent enough- but you'd have to put your dryer in the living room and the washer in the bathroom behind the door (so it wouldn't open all the way) that one was also outside my budget. That's ridiculous! Who designs these places and thinks that people are going to want a freaking dryer in the their living room? AND then charges a buttload for them?

The one I looked at tonight I thought was really promising. The pictures online looked awesome! And it was not only in my budget- it was UNDER budget so I could afford crap like, food and gas! Plus it was close to work. They advertised for a single, quite, professional with no pets, no smoking, no life- Totally me, right?!

So I checked it out. It's huge. It's a really good price for the size of it. It's only one room- but whateves. The bathroom was a good size- although I could have done without the neon yellow counter tops- but even that, I thought would be perfect for a Mickey Mouse bathroom. The closet was almost as big as the bedroom and even though it was as ugly as sin, I could have made it cute.

BUT

It was a basement apartment. The laundry room is the room you would walk into as you come through the side door (my door). It's shared with the upstairs people. No biggie. It's not like I am a mom who has to do laundry every day- but the laundry room was also my kitchen. It was slightly partitioned off by a room divider, but the lock to my apartment would have been at the living room door- the kitchen was fair game to anyone. I don't like that. I have a lot of nifty gadgets in my kitchen collection and I'm not all for leaving them where any schmo could get at them. Even if the people upstairs are reliable- they still have friends that will come over and who knows about them? She said the upstairs people were college students in their early 20s and that the utilities would be put in MY name and we'd have to split them between us. Yeah. So if the  20 year olds (and it's been proven that ALL 20 year olds are completely responsible) decide not to pay their utilities... I get stuck with them. We're also in charge of keeping the yard clean. I'm fine with that. I can mow a tiny lawn and rake a few leaves- whateves. But... I don't know. It's just not what I need. The price was right- but I just can't do it. I still wouldn't have the privacy I want. If I'm in the kitchen, and they're there throwing their laundry in... I just don't like that.

I'm not a 20 year old college student who is just looking for a place to sleep on the weekdays. I want a home. A place I can invite people over for game nights and dinner. I want it to be a refuge away from the world. Not a place where I have to move laundry baskets so I can eat on my kitchen table, or have to set up a kitchen table in my living room to eat dinner.

I don't think I'm being totally unreasonable. And I just can NOT believe that there is nothing in this whole freaking town. It's so discouraging. I just don't know what to do.