Tuesday, July 23, 2013

The Funniest Lie I Ever Told

I'm going to tell you a secret I don't normally tell people (if you already know this about me, you know me pretty well).

I don't have a middle name. I know, I know, I'm a freak of nature. It's just a thing in my family. The boys have middle names- the girls do not. I guess we were supposed to get married and use our maiden name as our middle name (that's what my mom did) but no one told us in time- and three of the four of us have never married so we're still middle nameless.

Oddly though, I've always been self conscious about not having a middle name. When I was little I told people it was Alice. I don't know why- I have just always loved that name. My oldest sister told people her middle name was Petunia and 40 years and some change later, she still gets mail with the middle initial of P.

A few years ago I had my Home Teachers from church come over to give me a blessing. Before the blessing, the one speaking the prayer asked me my full name. I told him. "That's it? Just a first and last name?" he asked. I affirmed that was true. "Wow. You're parents  didn't love you if they didn't give you a middle name." He was kidding, I think- and then went on to boast that his parents loved him so much they gave him TWO middle names (selfish selfish selfish).

At work a few months ago I was talking to a little girl- registering her and I asked if she had a middle name. "Of course I have a middle name." She said it like, "duh- what a stupid question." and continued, "everyone has a middle name."

"I don't have one," I said.

She looked at me like I had just announced I was from outer space and kept severed heads in my locker. It bugged me that this seven year old kid could make me feel self conscious about my own name.

The point? Well- at work things are done with a three initial code. My work initials are HXB. A few of the people were chatting about initials one day and they got to mine. One of them said, "that means you don't have a middle name, right?"

Immediately I replied, "No. I don't like to tell people my middle name, but I do have one.' This piqued their curiosity so they kept asking what it was. One guessed Xena. I laughed and said, "No, that's not it. But when I was in Jr High that's what I would tell people because I'm so ashamed of my actual middle name."

They couldn't think of what it could possibly be. So finally I gave in and revealed to them my "real" middle name. Xanadu. I told them my middle name was Xanadu and to this day they still believe me. It's totally believable because I was born around the time the song and movie came out- but even though I came  slightly before those, the term itself is hundreds of years old. It's just so funny that they believe it!

Only like, three people from work read this blog- so I would appreciate it if you (you know who you are!) would help me keep my secret.


>Erin said...

For a long time, I thought your mom's middle name was Rae...

Amy said...

Hahaha - this cracks me up. Strangely, my grandparents gave three of their four daughters middle names but not the other one - isn't that weird and sort of unfair? But my aunt Judy hates her middle name so much that I didn't know it for a long time, but it turns out to be "Maxine".

The funniest lie I ever told was to a bunch of coworkers I was interning with in CA who had no experience with Utah. I explained to them that we had Starbucks in Utah but they didn't sell coffee - only hot chocolate - because of all the Mormons there. They totally bought it hook, line, and sinker until I took pity on them and told the truth.