Sunday, December 16, 2012

Letter to a Doodiehead

Dear Jerk Face who found/STOLE my Nook,

It's one week before Christmas. I was hoping that I'd just left my Nook on a desk at work and that a co-worker had put it aside for me. I wasn't overly worried about it until I got 15 emails today telling me of over $40 of purchases on the device that I haven't been able to find in two days.

From the apps and books that you downloaded to my account, it's clear to me that you have children (unless you're like me and just an overgrown five year old- but unlike me are a dishonest crap face). I hope that as your children played their new Dr Seuss and Angry Birds games, and watched cartoons on MY Netflix account, that you had a good explanation for them as to why they had this fun new electronic device that magically just showed up one day. I hope they didn't notice my old photo ID tucked in the cover, because I wouldn't want there to be any awkward questions ("Mom/Dad who is this lady and why is her drivers licence in our new Nook?")

I hope YOU enjoyed the violent apps you downloaded for yourself- and I really hope you had a great time watching episodes of Sons of Anarchy- which I'm sure is a very wholesome and uplifting show (maybe you even had your kids watch it with you- what a fun family activity).

I also hope you have fun with your new Mexican Cookbook- but take care because the book you bought about cooking for the diabetic makes me worry for you a little bit, you need to watch your sugar intake. You be careful there, my friend.

And finally, I hope that you had all the fun you could have with it today- because it is now a blacklisted device. Nothing will ever work on it again, and if you take it into a Barnes and Noble and tell them your device suddenly stopped working, they'll be able to see that it was stolen. They probably won't do anything to you because they can't prove that you took it- but I hope the shame in your heart is enough to keep you from doing this again.

It's not the lost Nook that bothers me. Sure, they're kinda pricey and I've become so dependent on mine that I can't live without it- and that's just money I don't have to go out and replace it- but it's just a thing. The fact of the matter is- is that expensive or not, it is replaceable. None of my books or apps are lost. I've been refunded for your day of  e-shopping with someone else's money. What makes me the sickest of all is that you would do such a thing. What has happened to you in your life to make you feel so entitled? Why do you feel that dishonesty and thievery are the way to go? You had my address on the ID, it's not like you would have had to take extreme measures to find the owner.

I sincerely hope that if I ever meet you face to face, that I can forgive you. I can't right now. But I hope someday I can. I further hope that someday you feel guilt for your actions. And I hope more than anything that your children don't grow up to follow your example.



1 comment:

Amy said...

Ugh. That is a HORRIBLE story. I'm so bugged by that doodie-head! What a Grinch! Sorry Bakeshow.