Sunday, January 29, 2012

Pop Goes My Neck

Tomorrow is going to be a big day for me. I have gone through four bottles of Ibuprofen in the four months that I've lived here. So to try to fix things, I'm going for the first time ever to a chiropractor. I'm not one of those people who thinks chiropractors are not for reals... I'm sure what they do is amazing- totally fantastic...

but I'm scared.

I've always been afraid that they'll snap my neck a little too much- and I'll end up dead on the floor of the quack's chiropractor's floor!  So, just in case my first visit to their office is my last visit [anywhere] I give my my official:

First Will and Testament.

I, Bakeshow, being of questionable mind and I'd-rather-not-talk-about-it body, do hereby bequeath my few sparse belongings amongst my beloved ones.

To my parents: My bills.  Good luck (which, unfortunately, Sadie, includes my car since the bank technically owns it. Sorry).
To my sisters (including in-laws) and nieces: my jewelry (almost all of it bought at Claire's- anything that wasn't was a gift and should go back to the giver of said gift).

To my nephews: My books (They will teach how to be perfect gentlemen and be the man of some girl's dreams).

To my brother Travis: My secret Archie comics collection.

To my brother Randy: My red feather boa (May it bring you the same luck it has brought to me).

To anyone who wants them: My DVD collection (except anything Jane Austen has already been promised to Jessica).

To DI: My clothes.

To Melissa A: My nail polish (since it's your fault I have it all in the first place).

To my Mom: My cake decorating crap  (Go Crazy).

To Wendy: My New Kids on the Block memorbelia (a little something to remember me by).

To EBAY: My Christmas Barbie collection (in exchange for the money they bring).

To the Smithsonian: My Baby Blessing dress. (Because, you know, I'm kind of a big deal and I know they're going to want some kind of memento.)

I think that about covers it.

How do you end a will? Sincerely? Uh... Yours Affectionately?

The End.

Upon survival of above said neck snapping, all bequests are hereby invalid.  Bequeath-ees are also under subject to change according to the whims of the bequeath-er, alterations can be made at a moments notice according to shifting of affection and the undeniable possibility of the bequeath-er getting really pissed off. 


Wendy Swore said... I get the NKOTB memorabilia? They would need a key to go with so I could know who is who. I never did remember who was joey and ... I can't even remember their names. BUT! I remember loads of fine times while you mooned over them. :)

I'm assuming you survived. Did your neck get better?

Melissa said...

Awwww...I'm so flattered you mentioned me in your will...I promise to use all the polish to it's best potential and honor your life by it.

Susan and Scott said...

Baker you are so funny. Thanks for making my day. I hope that you are feeling better. I love my chiropractor but you have to find one that makes you feel better and not worse. Wendy you lucky duck getting all the KNOTB memorabilia. :-)