Nervous Breakdown

I bought a car today. Sort of.

I woke up this morning knowing that part of my day off would be dedicated to arranging Kermie's burial preparation- and possibly looking around to see what is available as far as a replacement. I took bags to put all the crap that Kermie collected. I sat and cried while I cleaned him out. I'm pretty sure my dad and the mechanic think I'm crazy- who cries over a car?

I don't know the location of a good Kermie photo- this is an identical twin

As soon as we were done and I said my goodbyes, I told my dad that I wanted to just look around and see what's available out there. We test drove a few cars but they were not love connections. Just as I was about to give up for the day- the 20 year old salesman remembered one more car. I drove it- I and really liked it. It was higher off the ground, good gas mileage, newer, and few miles for it's age. I decided that though I hadn't seen many other cars, that this was a good match. So for the next THREE hours I sat in the dealership while they ran my credit and other info.  They got me in the ballpark of payments that I requested (the very edge of the ballpark,  but ballpark nonetheless).

the new car. I have a name picked out- but we need to bond more before it's official

When they got to the part where I had to sign everything they sent me into another office with some other guy- who funnily enough- I went to high school with. I did not recognize him at all- but he knew me and even remembered a class we had together and that we used to argue over who got better grades. Hahaha!

Anyway, everything was signed sealed and delivered- but they would not let me bring the car home. My insurance coverage for Kermie is liability only and I can't take that car till they know I have full coverage. They couldn't tell me that at the beginning of the three hours when my insurance agent was still in the office? They had to wait till she was gone for the weekend? Argh!

Here's where the nervous breakdown kicks in. I'm home and crunching numbers. I don't know if I can make it work. Between my student loan, credit cards, cell phone, Netflix and now my insurance going up- I just don't know if I can do it. I had to empty my savings- including my travel account (which broke my heart. Now Europe is just that much further away) and I still don't know.

I need a second job for sure, but I don't know if I can even do that because my hours at the hospital are so sporadic. I am absolutely at a loss of what I can do. I don't know if I can back out of the car- or if I want to. I have only driven it for five minutes. Hardly time to really bond- and then not letting me take it home and be excited that I got a new car. Instead I get to come home and freak out. F.R.E.A.K. O.U.T. I tell you.

I am my own worst enemy. I am drowning myself. And I'm pretty sure I'll never be able to move out of my parent's basement.  I have a feeling that I am learning what a stroke feels like.