Thursday, June 10, 2010

Wreck Review

My mom got in a fender bender yesterday so I had to call and tease her about it.  We got talking about all my scrapes.  "You didn't start out too well, did you?" She said.  T'is but too true. I had it rough for a while.

Wreck #1- my fault

It was three weeks after I got my licence and I was already grounded from driving. My sister, Melanie, wanted to go to lunch and she didn't know I was grounded from the car- and I wasn't about to tell her- so she let me drive.  We went to a place that has outdoor order stations (kind of like Sonic, but it wasn't Sonic, I'd never heard of Sonic at that point).  I pulled in, but I was too close to the post on the passenger side.  Being a novice driver, I didn't quite know what to do.  Between my sister trying to talk me through maneuvering the car, and the employee at the restaurant giving me opposite instructions, I kept inching closer and closer to the pole until -BINK- it pushed in the side and left a gaping dent.  D'oh!  Lunch did not taste good. I knew I had to go home and tell my parents I'd dented the car when I was already grounded from it. Dad laughed at me and handed me a sharpie and told me to go sign the dent.

Wreck #2- my fault

It was not long after wreck 1.  Remember back when we all had huge mugs and we would go to the gas station at least once a day to fill them up with soda? (pop... whatever) Well, I was on the family pop run.  I was in the old Chevy Celebrity (the same as the above station wagon) and had about six giant refillable soda bottles.  As I as leaving Common Cents, one of the bottles started to tip and spill.  So my attention went to the spilling drink.  I was coasting ever so slowly through the parking lot.  This beast of a car had terrible alignment and drifted to the left heading toward a parked van.  I looked up and saw the van looming ever nearer... and went to slam on the breaks and instead slammed on the gas.  POW right into the side of the van.  Broken axle = totalled van.  The Chevy only sustained a dented fender (beastly, I tell you).  I sat on the curb and cried and cried.  The old man who owned the van came out of the convenience store to console me.  "It's my fault," he said.  "God is punishing me."  Curious, I looked at him as he continued.  "I bought a lottery ticket and won two dollars so I was going in to cash it in.  God is punishing me for playing the lottery."  So my fault? Technically, yes... but hey, if he'll take the blame, fine.  My parent's were not happy about that one.

Wreck #3- not my fault

I was working at Fred Meyer and had had the most hellish day. I just wanted to go home.  I was in my very own car (my teal Tempo, Grinch) and headed out of the Fred Meyer parking lot onto Yellowstone.  The truck in front of me started to pull out into traffic so I inched up waiting my turn.  He decided he didn't want to go out onto the road so he backed up... right over the top of my Grinch.  It was the perfect end to the perfect day *glare eyes* but in the end he had to pay for it and I got my very first rental car.

Wreck #4- my fault

I was driving down Chubbuck road and stopped at a red light at Yellowstone. I noticed my friend, Tracy, was in the car next to me so I rolled down my window and she rolled down hers and we were talking.  Her left turn light changed to green so she started to drive away.  Not even paying attention to my light, I assumed it had also turned green so I hit the gas... and the truck in front of me.  For some reason I was back in the Chevy (these might be out of order...) But, I didn't hit it hard enough to do damage to him, and there was only a small chunk of rubber missing from the Beast's fender.  I didn't tell the parents about that one (Hi, Mom).

Wreck #5- the weather's fault, but I got the blame.

I was driving to work one day and had the distinct feeling to stay on Yellowstone instead of taking the shorter route via Hiline.  Stupid Heather... as I turned onto Hiline, a car parked on the side of the road pulled out in front of me. I hit some ice and couldn't stop.  I plowed right into the back of him.  Minimal damage, but lots of anger... on both sides.  I got a ticket and life went on.

Wreck #6- my fault

I was going to my friend's new apartment to check it out, and as we left, I backed into her her dumpster, scraping half the paint off the passenger back side of the Grinch.  My friends had a good laugh and I still haven't quite lived that down.  Luckily I had touch up paint left over from when the truck backed over me (they gave me a little bottle, kinda like nail polish) so I was able to cover it up and few ever noticed it.

Wreck #7- totally not my fault

I was in Idaho Falls with Melanie (huh... she seems to be around for a lot of these). She was having surgery on her eyes so she needed someone to drive her home (we were in her car, Yensid).   I was driving -ironically- on Yellowstone.  It had just started to snow when a car pulled out in front of me.  There was no time to say a word that had more than four letters before I plowed into the side of him.  His toothless wife got out and started to yell at me, but it was clearly his fault for not yielding to oncoming traffic.  He got the ticket, but I don't think he had insurance so poor Yensid still sports the effects of that day.

Wreck #8- sigh... my fault

I had just moved to Provo and was turning on to University Ave (the Yellowstone of Provo).  I had never seen a "yield on green" light before.  Where I come from, if it's green, you can go.  But apparently on a left hand turn, you only have the right of way if you have an arrow. I didn't know that, so when my light turned green, I went.  The car coming the opposite direction sped up (I think on purpose to hit me... honestly) as I turned left.  She bludgeoned me on my passenger side and of course, because she had the right of way- even though she totally could have avoided the wreck, that...- I got the ticket and another rental car.  Hooray for full coverage insurance!  Not hooray for insurance premiums going up.

Wreck #9- weather's fault

It was my first winter in Colorado- and though I thought I was a pro at driving in snow, one day Mr Winter got the better of me. My friend, Carol, had called and asked if I could give her a ride.  She was having snow tires put on her new car and didn't want to wait at the shop for four hours before they could get around to her car.  I thought, "I never do nice things for people. I am going to do a good deed for once."  As I turned the corner out of my neighborhood,  I hit a slick spot and Kermit went down the hill and to the right.  I saw the curb coming and knew I should turn the wheel to hit the curb perpendicular, but there was not any time to react.  Kermit hit the curb going parallel which caused the whole wheel to break off, not just the tire, kids. The Whole. Damn. Wheel. I sat in my car and cried because I didn't know what to do or who to call.  I called my friend, Ryan in Colorado Springs just to cry to him as I waited for a tow truck to come.  He laughed at me.  I have liability only on Kermit so I knew this was not going to be cheap.  My consolation: later that night, Ryan did the exact same thing to his car.  Watch out, Karma'll bite you in the butt... or the front passenger wheel.  This wreck (and Elphaba) is also the reason why my creed is "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished" and I make a point of not being nice.

I think that's all of my wrecks... luckily no one was ever hurt in any of them... just my pride.

3 comments:

The Crockett Family said...

Heather, You are HILARIOUS!! But I'm glad I've never been in a car with you. ;)

Jessica said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I thought I had bad driving luck. I guess I shouldn't laugh but you know I love you!

Amy said...

Crunch! Yikes - these were kind of painful to read about.