Hunting Season

I am crabby, crabby, crabby. I hate job hunting. I don't know what I want to do with my life. Well, I do know, but it's not like I can apply for that job, it kinda has to find you. grrr... I don't like writing resumes and turning them in to companies that I'm not familiar with. I don't like the rejection that comes inevitably from every single one (rejection or ignoring- they both suck).

I really don't know what I want to do- professionally. I never planned on having a career and therefore did not set goals for myself. I mean, I want to write, but I'm too damn chicken to submit my work, plus I was told even if I wanted to write- not to quit my day job. I have always said editing, but I don't think being locked away in a cubicle reading someone else's work would be good for me. I like people. I like to be moving- not sitting at a desk all day. My dream job would be something that travels everywhere- and pays for it. But I'm sure jobs like that are impossible to come by.

People say I would make a good teacher. I admit it has it's appeals: no weekends (technically), no holidays, and summers off to travel. Hmmm... but the thought of going everyday and putting up with teenage attitude and snottiness makes me cringe. I hated high school. Teenagers are jerks and I don't imagine that has changed for the better. Plus it means more school, which in turn means more debt. Sigh... which also means some other brainless job to work my way through till I can get certified.

So until then, I get to think of answers to questions like "well now what?" "how are you going to afford that?" "are you sure that's a responsible thing to do?" ARGH! I don't know! I would be a fool to just sit here and wallow in self pity, but I feel judged for trying to take advantage of opportunities now that I have a little free time... but always the responsible daughter I'll probably sit at home and do nothing with my life for fear I'll be the topic of family gossip. "Did you hear what Heather did? I don't know how she can afford it. I don't know why she isn't out there looking for a job instead of doing..."

Instead of dealing with it, I'm hiding in the basement bedroom of my parents house. Home for a lovely visit with friends and family. I don't seem to have enough time for everyone- yet I sit at home during the day and stare at walls. Blast all of you who have a purpose in life!