Friday, July 18, 2014

Online Dating is NOT a Contact Sport

All right all you online dater type people out there who have been encouraging this kind of behavior. I need your assistance.

For the first time the other day I had some guy IM me. All he wanted to talk about was my physical appearance and size of uhh... parts. The only reason I continued the conversation was because I found it absolutely hilarious how ridiculous he was being. When I confronted his inappropriateness and said, "Your questions are clearly making me uncomfortable and if you're any kind of gentleman you'll change the subject..." he changed the subject to kissing instead. 

Laughing Kelso

So- because I'm honest and i have nothing to hide I admitted to being Empress of the VL Club. So like the true gentleman he obviously was- he offered to give me kissing lessons.

After I graciously declined, he asked for my number so we could text. Uhhhh... is there a nice way to say 

He got SO angry that I wouldn't give him my number. He wished me good luck being single because I won't take any chances. I said he was pouting because he wasn't getting his way...

(no, I don't know this baby. Thank you Google)

...and promptly blocked him from ever talking to me again.

After that I decided to give up on the LDS dating site. I mean- I paid for it- so I still have to stick with it at least till the money runs out (can you get a refund on that kind of stuff? seriously- biggest waste of money of my life).

I've had several people tell me I should try OkCupid- so on a ridiculous whim I signed up. I just copied and pasted everything I'd already written. Lazy?

cat lazy

I think so.

I had a couple of guys write to me right away- I felt very flattered. I've never had a single, straight under 65 male tell me I'm beautiful and "absolutely gorgeous." That's right. Just call me

This feline who’s just… FABULOUS!| 17 Cats Who Are Out And Proud

I think I could get used to that kind of talk. 

They wrote to me first. One wanted to meet right away. Luckily I was working and couldn't go so I just asked him some questions about himself... you know like, "so what's up?" I didn't find that super invasive- but whenever I would try to start an actual conversation they all stop writing. They only wanted my number again. 

can i have your number

The only who would reply lives 5000 miles away and he could only reply in one sentence responses. I actually wrote him first. He's from a small town in England I visited when I was there. I left all kinds of room for open conversation. I don't care if I never meet you- it doesn't matter that I'm on the other side of the world- this is all about conversation, right? It's practice!


Anyway- What I want to ask you is... is it always like this? Because this sucks. It's seeming like an absolute waste of my time. The ones who contact me are just looking for 

And. That. Aint. Gonna. Happen.


Lisa Newman said...

Unfortunately, I have no advice for you on the online dating issue. Lame-o! Buuut...I want you to know how fabulous you are! Funny and smart and beautiful and I so enjoy your posts! Keep em comin'.

Melissa Ann said...

I am Super Proud of you! YOu are much braver them I am!

CaRoLiNg said...

May be you can actually try a better site like eHarmony instead, eHarmony sounds more legit then the ones you mentioned on your blog. I never tried online dating but many people have great success there. Just be careful and not give out anything personal, you don't want a stalker.