If my life had a narrator

"I have the refrigerator of a 24 year old bachelor," she said as she looked for something to eat. She made a mental shopping list. It included pretty much anything in the store except ketchup, mustard, cheese slices and tortillas. Giving up on the fridge, she instead tried the freezer. The results weren't much better. Boxes of hot pockets that her mom had bought for her a couple of weeks ago only got in the way as she reached for a root beer flavored Popsicle. 

***

She sat on the couch watching American Ninja Warrior thinking, "These people are amazing." As she thought it, she scooped another bite of macaroni and cheese into her mouth and wondered if she had enough money to go buy ice cream later that day.

***

Her alarm went off. It's a happy sounding alarm. It wakes her up in a gentle way by singing a song from Sleeping Beauty. She rolled over, looked at the phone and hit snooze. She'd been having a strange dream and wanted to finish it. But by then she was too awake. She had the daily internal argument about whether or not to go to the gym. She'd already skipped twice this week, what difference would today make? In the end her conscience won out though. She peeled herself out of bed, put on her gym clothes, adjusted her fraggle style pig-tails and went.

***

The entire time the show How I Met Your Mother was on prime time she'd never seen an episode. Now that it was off air and on Netflix she thought she'd give it a try. In the two weeks it took her to watch eight seasons (she still hasn't seen the ninth season because it's not on Netflix yet), she learned things about life and dating that she'd never even considered before. The one that stood out the most to her was the "underwear radius." She decided she needed to try that theory out. Now that she was living alone it was totally permissible and the radius has been getting larger and larger.

***

Independence Day is one of her most favorite holidays. Not having anyone around to spend the holiday with, she packed an amazing picnic of chicken salad sandwiches and watermelon. She drove to the park and found the perfect spot. She chose a place down on the softball field. There were families all about, children running and dads chasing after them. "This is the perfect place for people watching," she said as she took out her iPad and played Candy Crush. Once her lives ran out, she sat at the edge of the crowd, eating her picnic dinner and watching people. She does pretty much everything solo these days so it didn't really bother her until it the light started waning and the empty grass filled up around her. It didn't seem to be more families moving in, but all young couples who, unlike the established families who brought lawn games to play, only sought recreation in rigorous rounds of tonsil hockey.  "This is awkward," she thought and pretended to be invisible.