It has been brought to my attention that I am an over-thinker. Seriously. Me. I know! It totally came as a bucket of ice water in my face too! What's sad though- is A. it's totally true and B. the person who said it really doesn't know me that well, so he's either super observant, or I hang my over-thinking out like bloomers on the laundry line. (I'm thinking it's the latter of the two).
I don't know that it's necessarily a bad thing to be an over-thinker. (oh my gosh... is this going to be a whole post analyzing being an over-thinker? Won't that just be proving everyone right?) There has got to be a place in the world for people who over analyze everything. Somewhere out there, there is a job for a crazed over-thinker. When you figure out what it is, let me know because I bet I would be so good at it!
Since I moved out- well even before then, but especially now- I've had a lot of time on my hands and I spend a lot of that time thinking. I think about the past and my woulda, coulda, shouldas, I think about my future and wonder how it will turn out- because the present is what totally baffles me.
I've been wondering what the heck is going on with me- why have I lived here for three years (nearly... ok, two and a half) and still not made friends? I know I've kind of touched on this before- but I have come to realize that I have a wee bit of social anxiety. I've never noticed that before- or put a label on it. This is a totally new thing to me.
All my life, I've had a security blanket- a wing (wo)man- to ease me into new society. I am completely without that here. I have attempted to go to firesides and stuff to meet people- friends. I just want friends! I'm not looking for love- but friends would be so nice. Sure, I've done things with people from work- but that is small group stuff. They aren't the kind of friends who are going to go to a church activity with me or introduce me to that kind of crowd- the kind of crowd where I can find kindred spirits- real bosom buddies.
It rather disturbs me that I have always been so dependent on others. I never knew that about myself. Everyone always says how fun and friendly I am and how it's so easy for me to make friends. Oh- if you only knew. One of the things I hate doing the most is meeting new people. The turmoil that it causes could sink ships.
BUT now that I know I have this problem and it's identified and labeled, I can work on it. A big portion of it is going to be just sucking it up and doing things I don't like- like going to activities alone. It scares the living liver out of me. Like, to the point where I really just kind of want to crawl under my blanky and cry a little.