Licenses Come to Those Who Wait

Well, I did it. It's official. After living here for three years and in Idaho for one- I surrendered my Colorado driver's licence and became an official Utah dweller. And it happened on a day that I used the words, "I hate Utah" more than I've said on any other day.

I'm taking a little surprise trip in a couple of weeks and I'm going to need a valid ID. My licence  is going to expire half way through the trip (darn birthdays) so it was time to bite the bullet and get a new one.

I've been doing my homework for a while as to what documentation I'd need to take with me to prove I am who I say I am (as if anyone would try to impersonate *this*).

The requirements included my birth certificate (because just showing up isn't proof enough that I was born), my social security card and a utility bill. So last week when I went home, I made my mom go through all her files and find my birth certificate. I do all my bills online so I don't get anything in the mail so I printed off my last bill, put it all in an envelope and waited until I had a day off.

I wanted to look refreshed for my photo so I slept in today (really it was just an excuse to skip the gym- it doesn't take much convincing these days) and I put on my sauciest outfit and reddest lipstick ( I had to look decent for the photo that I'm going to carry around the next five years).

This is basically how I looked- only add like 75 lbs to my face. (seriously... skipping the gym a lot lately)

I got to the ministry of driver's licences and filled out my application. I stood in line with the rest of the cattle. When I was near the front of the line, a woman came out and shouted to the room, "if you are here for blah blah blah.... (I wasn't).... if you're here for a licence, you need your birth certificate, social security card and TWO items of mail." Two? *TWO?* I only had one! I swore the website said one! So- I got out of line, ran to my aunt's house and printed off another utility bill and ran back and got in line again. 

I finally got my photo taken and got my number A011. That looked like a promising number. I sat down and over the next two hours played Candy Crush, Farm Heroes and made a friend who ironically has the same birthday as me. Cool, huh? I also listened to the teenager who was there with her dad waiting to get her first license. I fear for our future. I've run across mildew that had more sense than that girl. And this is who I'm sharing the road with. Awesome.

When it was finally my turn, I handed over all my documents and the employee informed me that my two pieces of mail could not be copied from online. One of them had to be an original. I seriously don't get *any* bills in the mail so I panicked a little. She said it didn't have to be a bill- it could be any bit of mail that wasn't a cell phone bill (the website does NOT say that). I asked if I ran home and came back, would I have to wait in line again. She said if I went back to her I wouldn't have to.

So I ran home and tore my house apart. Do you know that I don't get mail? Like, any mail? It just had to be *something* with my name and a post mark from the last 60 days. Nothing. I've gotten NO mail that is post marked. Did you further know that junk mail, even if it has your name on it, is not post marked? Awesome. So i sat at my kitchen table and cursed the ministry of driver's licences- Utah division. 

I did what any rational adult would do- I called and complained to my mommy. So she very sweetly went to the post office and dropped a letter in the mail for me.

This summing up is getting longer than I planned...

Anyway- I did a little more research and found that my renters agreement would also suffice. Now... if only I had one...

I ran down to my apartment manager who was luckily (for me) home sick today. We wrote up a contract and I ran back to the ministry and walked back up to her line. She said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm going to lunch. You'll have to wait till I get back."

I'm far too nice.  I patiently sat down and proceeded to wait for her to come back. It pays to be nice because seconds later she came out to my seat and handed me a number and said, "I feel really bad making you wait, so this is the next number that will be called, they'll help you."

So I got called up- they didn't throw me out again. I told the guy third time was the charm. The lady who took pictures walked by and asked, "Are you just *now* being helped? It's been like, five hours!" Indeed it had been five hours. I explained to her it was my third trip. (and I kind of laughed to myself because she was the second person to notice that I'd been there an back several times, thereby effectively flouting my theory that I blend into a crowd)


I had to take a test- luckily it was open book because even though I'm a good driver, the nuances are different for each state. I haven't taken a driving test in over 20 years. It was nerve wracking. I would have been so humiliated had I failed.

I passed.

I  got my temporary licence and left. Six hours. SIX HOURS! I know people who have been in labor for less time than that and at the end they had a cute little baby to love and cuddle. Me? I got a temporary paper licence with my face all bloated and swollen on it. And that is the ID I get to carry around and show whenever I use my credit card for the next five years.

Gross. Welcome to Utah.