Saturday, August 30, 2014

The inevitable crash

I told you it would come. My ridiculous summer-long high is officially over.

It's past 2 am. I have to get up in a few hours to work my first of five days in a row. Have I mentioned before that I work 12 hour days? I can't sleep. I'm not even remotely tired. I'm just lying here in bed thinking about how much my life sucks.

This last month seems like one black cloud has been following me. Sure I had fun on my trip- and one of these days I'll post the pictures. But for now I'm just tired of pretending to be happy. I'm tired of pretending that I care. About anything.

Everyone on Facebook it seems has been doing this five (or seven or twelve) days of gratitude. And I feel horrible that I'm so sick of seeing them (even more than I am sick of the freaking ice bucket crap). I don't even read them anymore. Is everyone seriously just so happy? Am I the only one who has a $#!+ life? Or is everyone faking it?

I'm tired of the 'OMG I have the perfect kids/husband/house/job' posts. I feel like I'm the only one who works and everyone else is on permanent vacation. Can't someone- just once- post about how much they hate the whole world? Then maybe I won't feel like the only person on the planet who isn't brimming over with joy every day. Am I the only one who just doesn't care anymore? I'm at a dead end job that is so brainless a monkey could do it. I don't care. My house is a ghetto disaster. I don't care. Some days I lie on the couch for 15 hours at a time in my underwear watching tv because I just don't have the drive to do anything. *anything.*  I've gained like 10 pounds in the last month because I Just. Don't. Care.

I'm going to die old, fat, ugly and alone. And I don't care.


Cami said...

Well, I care! Thinking of you...

Oh, and for me, I usually only post happy things because I have a really hard time talking about things that are hard in my life. I don't know why. But you're not alone. Ever ever ever.

Camie Marie said...

I quit writing on my blog over a year ago cuz I do not have a perfect life and while I love and adore my children, there are more days than I could count where I wish my life were so much different than I've let it become. You are not alone in your desire to shut things out....BUT I'm sure you've noticed the difference (as have I) when you get past the struggle and remember and feel the good around you. It's there, annoyingly tapping you on the shoulder. How far away from me do you live any way?

Amy said...

I'm faking it. Although I totally get what you mean when you say it seems like some people (probs me) are on a permanent vacation. But I promise it doesn't feel like that and that I (and my guess is most people) are dealing with a lot more than they let on.

Alls I'm saying is I feel you sistah and am giving you a virtual shoulder rub.