Friday, January 10, 2014

Late Bloomer

I've always thought that I was a little behind everyone else. All my friends had their first dates at 16 (or thereabouts) I was 19 when I had my first sort of date- I'm still waiting for my first honest-to-goodness-he-asked-because-he-wanted-to-and-I-accepted-because-I-wanted-to date. When I was in my early 20's I offended all my friends by telling them I didn't want to hear their baby poop stories. I couldn't relate to that and I just didn't want to hear it. I always felt left out of those conversations. I still do- but at least now I have niecephews to reference if I need to throw something out there. Of course I was too stupid and selfish to see that- that was what was going in their lives and it was interesting to them- just like whatever lame thing I wanted to talk about was interesting to me.

I always seem to be two steps lagging. Normal people my age are married with a herd of kids. I met someone yesterday who is a year younger than I and she is a grandma (yow! they all start early in that family apparently.) I'm not saying I envy that. In no lifetime would I want to be a grandparent at 36. bleh... But a lot of my friends have kids who are in high school. It will only be a couple of years before their kids start going on missions and then getting married and my friends become grandparents!!

So I feel stupid talking to people about the things I'm dealing with right now. I'm moving. I found an affordable little place in a not too shady part of town and I'm in the process of getting my crap together so I can move in. It needs to be cleaned first and then they are going to let me paint and then I'll move in. I'm excited. Really- I am. I can't believe the incredible luck I'm getting on the deal of this apartment!

But I hear myself saying things like, "I own a couch! How grown up am I!?" and realize... that's something a 20 year old would say. Sure, I've lived away from home before- but I've never *owned* anything (I have a bedroom set. I insisted on that when I moved to Colorado. I slept on an air mattress till I could afford my bed and I got a matching dresser and nightstand to go along with it. So yeah- I guess I did own one thing). 

Everything else though was always owned by someone else- either that or we found it out near the dumpster and brought it in (that only happened once... maybe twice... and the other time, the couch was found in the mountains so that doesn't count as by a dumpster, although it is just as nasty- but we were young and stupid and didn't think about critters and cooties that might also take residence).

All the normal people I know have already been dealing with these things for years! They're mostly all past the rental stage and are *gasp* homeowners! I just feel like I relate more to dinky college kids more than I do to people in my own age group. I'm about 15 years behind in life (more than that in some areas). 

I may not be expressing myself in the way I had planned when I started writing this. I shouldn't have watched a sad movie and then sat down to write. That's never helpful. Plus I'm just so overwhelmed with everything right now. Moving. Work. Painting. Family. Traveling... I don't know where to start so I hide in my room and take naps so that it will go away. 

I bought a washer and dryer today. Yeah- that required a long nap to recover from the stress of that commitment. I'm not cut out for this kind of crap. This crap that most people call day to day life. Where the hell was I 20 years ago!? Why haven't I learnt any of this by now? I guess my slow boat to reality sank in the harbor.


Melissa Ann said...

Two things! First I think you are so hilarious! This is a sadder post and I just laughed through it! Second as one who owns things I still don't feel adult ever because you have more fun when you act like us! I like us! I also understand about the washer and dryer I recently bought a vacuum and that was quite the commitment!

Camie Marie said...

I like Melissa's response. ;) And just because we have the "poopy" stories, doesn't mean we feel any more grown up or that we don't sit and stare at the wall when we have to replace something we Finally owned. Do you want some company while painting?!!

Amy said...

You should totally not feel stupid for telling people about the exciting things that are happening in your life right now. It is awesome and totally exciting. As I was reading this, I was relating to the emotion you are explaining though (and please, please know that I am not actually comparing situations or anything - I'm just saying that in general, I feel like I understand the emotion of what you were writing about) in that I have had similar feelings when it comes to the stage of life I am in while trying to grow our family and I think that the culture (LDS culture - especially worse in Utah) that you and I live in tends to skew our perspective about this sort of stuff. Because the couples who have been married for as long as Paul and I have all have 3+ kids who are approaching baptism age by now. And when people don't know us or our story and find out we only have one kid who is 2 1/2 they tend to assume we have only been married a few years instead of 10 (not that that matters, of course) because why else would anyone wait 7-8 years of marriage to "start a family", etc. Again, I'm not comparing anything, I'm just saying that your explanation of how it feels to be at this stage of life, particularly when comparing it with others and with the expectations you had for yourself, resonate with me.