Bitter Harpy Press: Santa Monica and Jerk-iversal Studios

Once again- Happy New Year! For the first time in my life I spent new year's day at the beach. I'm sure that's just a typical thing for some people- but to a landlocked Idaho born, Utah dwelling land lubber, it was an adventure.

We wanted to spend the day in Santa Monica so we headed out and drove through the city. Can I just say, God bless the inventor of google maps. Because that city is a freaking mess.

We found a place to park and walked down to the beach. It was a overcast and probably only in the upper 50s lower 60s- but when you come from a land where the weather is in the teens- 60 degree weather is beach weather, baby!

We combed the beach looking for shells. We found a lot of really awesome sand dollars and there were a gajillions of live clams. Of course. when you hold them in your hand with the intent of letting them dry out and die, they tend to get squirmy and poke their little slimy mollusk-y bits... and it's gross and I drop them all. Because eew. So only collected dead shells.

We found these all over the place. In my imagination the were all smaller parts of one giant sea creature that had been massacred and bits of him washed up on shore like debris from a ship wreck.

Turns out it's just a sand crab. Boring.

We walked and shelled for ages. It was delightful, but I had go GO so badly that it was hard to enjoy frolicking ankle deep in the water. We headed toward the pier.

Here I was able to get my Route 66 photo! It was the end of the line! I have official proof that I was on Route 66. Not that it was a bucket list item... but it kind of was. I'd still like to travel some of the route. But for now, that'll do, Donkey. That'll do.

Once I found a potty I was much more able to enjoy myself. We wandered the pier and ate at one of the little burger joints.

I do love the beach. In fact the last few days I've been thinking I could do with some serious beach therapy. It probably wont happen for a long long time... but there is the dream of it.

Instead of walking back down the beach to the car, we walked the boardwalk. There are a lot of uh... interesting folks along the boardwalk.

Ew.

Since we were in the neighborhood I really REALLY wanted to see the Hollywood walk of fame and the hand prints outside Grauman's Chinese Theater. We drove in to see it but it was so busy we didn't get out to see anything. I was seriously disappointed. I'll just have to go back another time when I can do the things on my list. It was their trip- I was just along for the ride.

Instead we drove around and looked at some of the famous places we've always heard of haven't seen. We found Sunset Blvd and meandered our way down Rodeo Drive. It was all gussied up for Christmas.

Regular street lamps? Please... here we have chandeliers. Street lamps are so... common.

As we were driving to the Santa Monica that morning we could see the Hollywood sign up on the hill. Macy couldn't see it. She was so bummed that every time we passed it she couldn't see it. So we drove around trying to get to a place where she could see it- but by the time we were somewhere she could get out- it was too dark and it is not lit up at night. We tried to drive up to it but it was too dark.

So we gave up and went back to the hotel.

Day 3 was supposed to be something of an adventure.

We had another mishap- this time with ice. It's far less valuable than the holiday munch or my beloved water bottle- but it was still a mess to clean up in the hotel room.

That day we piled in the car and drove to Universal Studios. Macy was able to finally see the Hollywood sign, so all was well.

The last time I was at Universal was when I was about 11. I remembered only a few things but I was super excited to go to Harry Potter World. Like super excited. We're all fans of Harry Potter- but I am bar none the biggest fan in our family.

The morning was actually a little chilly- so I did a rare thing and borrowed a jacket. I hate carrying them around so I don't like to take them- but Kim was nice enough to let me wear hers for a bit.

They were also decked out for the holidays. Apparently they'd had some kind of Whoville business going on- but that was all shut down by the time we got there. They just had a few decorations still strewn about.

First matter of business- We went straight to Harry Potter World. I was so excited! They had to stop and wait for me because I was taking pictures of everything!

The Hogwarts Express!?! Yay!

The village was awesome. It was basically Diagon Ally.

I nearly weed my nickers when I got my first glimpse of Hogwarts Castle.

They even had a toad choir performing. Oh my gosh it was awesome.

And then we got to the gates of Hogwarts and ready to get in line to go on the ride.

But I couldn't get on. I'm absolutely embarrassed to tell you this next part- but I guess it's all part of the experience. I didn't fit on the ride.

I was so angry. Embarrassed, sure, mortified even. But ANGRY. I am a big girl. I get it. But I am not so abnormally huge that I should not be able to go on a ride that was created in this century. Are you FREAKING kidding me Universal? You don't care. You're laughing all the way to the bank because these suckers are paying the same amount as everyone else to get in your Disney wannabe park- and you can't even accommodate all your guests? If it was a roller coaster from a century ago- when people were generally smaller- then sure, I could see not being able to get on. But this ride is less than 10 years old.

And it's not even a roller coaster! It's a big giant simulation! There is absolutely NO reason that so many people can't be included. I was chatting with friends about it and one friend said, Oh, Yeah, I could have warned you. No one in my family could go on it either.

I had heard that the ride was a little snug- but I was pretty confident because just before the trip I had dropped a bunch of weight... but when I sat in the "practice chair" and found I couldn't go... I was absolutely devastated.

This room is all I saw of Hogwarts. They have a special room off to the side for the people who are waiting with strollers... and people who are too big for the ride. I sat on a bench and cried with the other people in there. A room full of fatties. Is that what you like Universal? Is it? Is that what you were going for? Take our money and then make us sit and wait while everyone else has the fun?Disneyland would NEVER do that to its guests. And for that reason. And that reason alone, I will NEVER darken your doorstep again. I will never again set foot in Universal Studios.

I also could not go on the Flight of the Hippogriff ride. So basically HPW was a bust. But if you're thin enough- It's probably really awesome. Oh. And they have fun little displays all over the village that if you wave your wand you can make magic happen. Of course- you have to buy THEIR wands... so that's just another thing that the regular person can't enjoy.

I won't lie- I spent the rest of the day totally bummed out. I tried to shake it off and act like it was no biggie- but my day was ruined. I hate Universal Studios.

Rant over. I will try to exude happiness from here on out.

We wanted to try butterbeer. I made some years ago and it was super sweet and kind of gross. Yeah, theirs is too. I shared with Kim. And by "shared" I mean, I took two sips and gave her the rest.

I enjoyed walking around Honeydukes and seeing all the candies that were mentioned in the books.

Weasley's U-No-Poo- the constipation candy!

Acid Pops, Sugar Quills and Blood Pops (preferred by vampires)

Chocolate Wands!

Peppermint toads.

Fudge Flies

Chocolate Frogs- complete with Collectible Wizard Cards.

Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans

On and on- the shelves were full of crazy things!

This was just outside the Three Broomsticks.

And of course we went into Olivander's wand shop. I know my wand type and of course they didn't have it. "there are two wood wands that we don't have and I'm sorry, that's one of them." of course you're sorry. A sorry excuse for a theme park... but I digress...

The only thing I spent money on there was this shirt. As CRAPPY and UN MAGICAL as this place was- I still love Harry Potter and I am a proud Ravenclaw. I wanted a shirt to show that.

Off we headed into the rest of the park. I didn't even know that The Simpsons had anything to do with Universal- but there they were.

We just walked through on our way to take a back lot tour. This is what I remember as a kid. When I was there, there were no rides. THIS was the ride. They took you on a tram around the movie studio.

I'm pretty sure I have this same picture from 30 years ago- the picture of the clock tower from Back to the Future.

Movie junk.... it has changed somewhat in three decades- but we were still caught in a flood, still attacked by King Kong, and that frickin shark still looks fake.

Shayla bought a chocolate frog. They only have one good jump in them!

and they're crunchy.

The ride in the Simpsons area was just another simulated ride. It was like almost every ride was star tours. laaaaaame.

We got two of the giant donuts. dooonuuuuuuts... and took turns gnawing on it.

There were raptors on the loose- which would have made more sense to me if I'd seen Jurassic World. I've since seen it and now the whole trained raptor thing makes more sense.

I'm always happy when I find a little piece of home. This red telephone booth was just what I needed.

We spent most of the day waiting in line for rides, or waiting for people to go potty. or waiting for fast passes to be valid. I'm pretty sure we hit all the rides.

I will give credit where credit is due. The Jurassic Park Water Ride and the Mummy rides were awesome. Like freaking awesome. Some random person walked up to us and gave us an unused Mummy pass and because I didn't get to go on HP my family let me go on the Mummy ride a few times.

The rest of the rides in the park were all simulations. Put on your 3D glasses and just sit there as a box on hydraulics bounces you around. wahoo.

Any guesses here? I need to watch this movie over again because I don't remember it being in there.

It was Despicable Me, by the way.

We just wandered around looking, taking it in. This was of interest to me. Because Baker.

There was a Harry Potter gift shop on the main drag of town that was pretty magical

Every 15 minutes or so it snowed inside. So that was kind of fun.

We ran into my old friend Marilyn. She really liked my hair.

I can't remember why I took a picture of this. I think some of these things Kim asked me to take pics of so she could reference them for future projects...

We wandered back over to HPW because they do a light show on the castle each night. We met up with the conductor of the HWE.

and then enjoyed the spectacular. Ok, Ok. it was kind of awesome. It doesn't make up for how they made me feel, but the things they can do with a few lights... it's pretty impressive.