My Two Rings

I have two CTR rings. I wear them all the time. Sometimes people ask why I wear two and I tell them it's because I need the extra reminder to make good decisions.

 The first one is the ring my parents sent me while I was on my mission. I'd had one before, but I'm kind of hard on rings and I bent it out of shape to the point it broke. [insert sad face here]. So they sent me one that had a thicker band. It's probably meant to be a man's ring, but who cares?

The other ring I wear, well it has more story to it. Years ago I decided that for Christmas I was going to get everyone in my family a CTR ring. I put a lot of thought into them and tried really hard to match them to each individual personality. For example, Randy's had footballs on it, Travis' had basketballs on it, Kim's was red, Shayla's was pink, etc. There was one I was especially excited about though- instead of the letters C.T.R, it had the ASL signs for the letters. This one was for Melanie. One of my favorite memories of Mel was sitting and watching her talk to her friend Kelly. She learned sign language just so she could talk to her friend. I think that's amazing.

So I was quite excited when I found this special ring. This might have even been the ring that 

inspired the whole thing.

Anyway, she wore it always. She had other rings that would come and go- but she never took off her CTR ring. When she died I took it back. Kim wanted to keep it- but I used the "I bought it" trump card and got it.

Now I wear it. I rarely take it off (really I only take it off to play violent card games with Shayla).

Today marks two years and six months since Melanie passed away. I still miss her every day. I miss her so much my heart aches. I don't cry nearly as much as I used to (except for right now... sitting here bawling as I write this) but a day doesn't go by that I don't think of her.

I miss just talking nonsense with her. I miss her talking me out of my anxiety. I miss her reassuring me that I'm not a crazy person- or that if I am, she's crazy right there with me. I miss discussing books and movies with her. I miss geeking out with her over stupid stuff.  What I wouldn't give for one more day.

I miss my best friend.
I miss my sister.

But I'm glad I have reminders of her goodness- reminders that if I make good choices, I'll be with her again someday.