Facebook Status Highlights 2014

January

I have keys!!!

So all you local good deed doers who want to earn brownie points in heaven (and maybe some of my real brownies or cupcakes), I'm going to paint this week. Possibly Thursday, for sure Friday. It's not a huge job, but many hands make light work, ya know?

Just FYI- my sister Melanie has taken a turn for the worse- we're all heading home. If we don't answer your calls or texts please don't take it personally, we're dealing with this the best way we know how... And none of us knows how to deal with this.

I feel like I've been kissed by a Dementor.

No internet at my new house. This must be how the pioneers felt :-/

February

I love the sound of my taxes being filed. I feel a shopping spree coming on!

In the absence of tv channels I've been watching the seasons of Friends on DVD. I've decided I need a Monica in my life to unpack, clean and organize. Any volunteers?

Minor heart attack this morning when Candy Crush reset my game to level one... Crisis averted. You can breathe again.

March

I HAVE INTERNET!!! Welcome back to the 21st century!!

It's official. Home decorating is expensive and boring.

Les Mis at Hale. Freaking fantastic!!!

Prom dress shopping! 20 years late and not for me- but now I know what I was missing!

I dreamed last night I ran a marathon. I figured that was good enough for the day and skipped the gym.

April

I don't need to play pranks. My life is enough of a joke as it is. :-|

Started my day with no date. Ended my day with no date. Didn't ask anyone out, and yet still somehow feel rejected. How did that happen?

FYI about Captain America: they put a lot of fighting and explosions in it to make it seem like a movie for dudes, but with all that eye Candy- this one is for the ladies!

So I met someone today that reads my blog and I've never met her. She asked, "is it weird that you don't know me but I know all about you?" Ummm... A little- but that's the point of a public blog, I guess. Yay! I have a fan!

Came home early from work. If there's a funky smell coming from my apartment in the next three days, somebody call my mom.

Home sick today, so the big question of the day: what kind of marathon to have?

You know a kid is being raised correctly when you stop in on her while she's home from school- totally unsupervised- and she's watching Disney movies.

Sometimes I do dumb things... Like buy pianos.

No hot water? That means I can't do the dishes. What a shame... What's that ridiculously comfortable bed? You want me to come take a nap? If you insist...

Had a kid come up to me at work today. He asked for a dollar, called me a liar when I told him I didn't have money, and then stole my pen and ran away. I fear for our future.

May

So a guy at church today introduced himself and said he was from Albania. All I could think of was, "That's where Voldemort went into hiding." Looks like this afternoon calls for a Potter-thon!

I just tested my taser to see if needed to be recharged. I obviously don't play with it often because I held the wrong end when I tested it... It works

I dreamed last night I was spending a few months with friends in Paris for school. Then I woke up, already graduated, in Utah and alone.

The neighbors across the street have a bouncy castle and are blaring music so loud I can't hear my own tv. I'm torn between yelling at them to shut the heck up... And asking if I can have a turn.

Oh. My. Gosh! I just made the world's best batch of cookie dough! Seems a shame to ruin it by turning it into cookies. My coworkers better love me for this sacrifice!

The most shocking thing happened today! While running at the gym, I saw someone get hit by a car! I'll leave it to you to decide which was more shocking- the car thing or me at the gym.

I just went into a store called The Nerd Store and was thrown out for thinking Iron Man was better than Batman.

It's official. I paid for it. I'm guessing it will be the biggest waste of money in my whole life. But you never know till you try right? It's the most terrifying step I've ever taken! I may go throw up now.

June

It's a good thing the 4 year old knows how to work the electronics in this house.

Number one clue I'm not a mom? I still think tantrums are adorable.

Twice today I got, "how is it that you're still single?" Your guess is as good as mine, pal. Your guess is as good as mine. My guess is: like the sun, no one can be the presence of such awesomeness for so long without it having adverse effects on one's health. Yeah. That's probably it.

It's Friday the 13th. Full moon. And my neighbors have two black cats. Geez, it's a good thing I'm not superstitious.

I make the best chocolate chip cookie dough In. The. World. I'm not even going to feign humility. When you've got it, you've got it. And baby, I've got it.

Clearly Netflix and I need to spend more time together. The movies on my suggested list indicate they don't know me very well. That being said, as stupid as this movie is, now I have to finish it to see if the ending is as stupid as the beginning and the middle...

Sunday dinner fail: made this totally amazing dinner but snacked too much on watermelon and now I'm not hungry... It became an EPIC FAIL when the oven door closed on me and burned both arms. Owwee!!!

Hazards of living In the ghetto: no matter how much you scrub it still looks dirty.

Had the missionaries and my neighbor to dinner. No one died! Mission accomplished!

I fail to see how "ooey gooey, creepy crawly worms" is an inappropriate bedtime song.

July

I don't know the difference between the sounds of fireworks and gun shots. So either my neighborhood is feeling very festive, or there's a shoot out going on.

I went over 24 hours without speaking to anyone- including myself. And just as long without communications via technology. You're welcome world for the day off. Don't expect it to happen again.

So I thought I'd just wander over and check out my online profile (patooie) and see how things were going... I... I Heather Baker. Prude of all prudes... have bleep marks for expletives that have been filtered out! Bwahahahahaha!!!!!!!

Bagpipe music and men in kilts... I'm not even sorry for this sunburn. Totally worth it!

I just found ice cream in my freezer that I totally forgot was there. This day was just made that much better!

Six months ago this very minute I was holding my sister/best friend's hand as she took her last breath. This has been the hardest six months of my life. I miss her everyday. I miss her humor. I miss her advice. I miss her geekiness. She's completely irreplaceable. I'm learning a new normal, but life will never be the same.

I may or may not be having a karaoke party of one In my kitchen. Doing the dishes just got WAY more interesting. Apologies to my neighbors. I don't sing quietly.

Is complaining about seeds in your seedless watermelon considered a First World Problem?

August

Your love is better than chocolate... And boy, do I love chocolate!" A: who freaking says that? B: who freaking says that to a stranger? C: who freaking says that to a stranger in an electronic card?

LOTR weekend marathon commencing in 5...4...3...2... ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL!!!

Home is where the wifi connects automatically.

Happy back to school week everyone. I'll just be sitting at work... You know- not using algebra.

September

It's a sign you've seen a movie too many times when you fall asleep watching it, but the dream you're having *is* the movie and you see it all anyway.

Just saw the first spider in my apartment. Time to move.

Whichever one of you it was that suggest I watch "Call the Midwife", thank you.... I watched the whole series in two days and haven't cried this much since my sister died. (That "thank you" is both sarcastic and sincere.) I gave up on tissues and just used a dish cloth. Geez.

While having a dream about sleeping through my alarm, i was sleeping through my alarm. Which means i got ready for work in about five minutes. I look basiically the same as on a day i spend and hour getting ready. This is seriously causing me to question my life choices.

October

Thanks for all the birthday love! Despite California trying to kill me with 110 degree weather- it was a good day! Even a mediocre day at Disney is better than a great day in the real world

Sometimes I forget how good people can be. Thank you disney for bringing good people together!

All day I've been thinking about the new concoction I was going to create for dinner. It was super disgusting and a major disappointment -not to mention waste of resources. I mean, I ate it because I'm poor and can't just throw stuff away... But Bleh. THIS is why I don't try new things!!!

Sweatshirt: check. Capri yoga pants: check. Unshaved legs: check. Ballet flats: check. Someone's a little overdressed for Walmart

The downside? I only accomplished 32% of my to-do list. The upside? I finished reading a 400 page novel in one day

I rarely find myself busy... So this Halloween season I keep saying "yes" to all invitations, not remembering that I already have several obligations and goals. I'm so out of time and overbooked that the only possible solution is to read on the couch until I fall asleep.

I'm honestly not sure if I have everything under control- or of there is a ton of stuff I'm forgetting.

November

I'm cold. Fastest way to heat my house? Bake cookies!!

It finally happened. I've joined the shattered screen crowd

I lost my remote and because I live alone I don't have anyone to blame it on.

It was 4 degrees when I woke up in Nampa. Just returned to Salt Lake and a balmy 26 degrees. Why did I already put away my flip flops? This is beach weather!!

I met someone today who is a professional matchmaker. I honestly thought those only existed on tv shows and old musicals.

December

Do women actually pay guys to pretend to be their boyfriends to impress family at the holidays or have I been watching too many Hallmark movies?

I feel like it's too early for Christmas baking. Is it too early for Christmas baking? I don't want my stuff to get lost in the shuffle of everybody else's stuff, but I don't want it to be so far away from Christmas that everybody forgets how awesome I am... er...I mean how awesome my treats are.

Alright the decision has been made – Let the baking commence! Coworkers prepared to loosen thy belts. Friends who are not coworkers, we are currently hiring, inquire within.

So many baking fails tonight. I'm going to change my name and move to Antarctica where they only eat Popsicles and cold cucumber soup.

My light fixture just shattered all over my bed. I cleaned it up the best I could but can't use my vacuum at one a.m. because that's rude to my downstairs neighbor. So If I wake up looking like I spent a wild night with Edward Scissor Hands you'll understand why.

Are their career options for professional procrastinators? I should probably look into that… Maybe tomorrow.

Baker's Baking Fail and a Very Muppet Tale

Lately I feel like all my posts are just excuses. This is going to be the longest excuse ever as to why I haven't been blogging as frequently as I'd like.

This has been the longest week ever. Let's start at the very beginning. (I hear it's a very good place to start)

Last Saturday I went home early from work. I was sick. I was So. Sick. I felt like I'd been run over by a train, then a semi truck then a tricycle. I got off work at 4:30 and was home and in bed by 5:00. I slept for 17 hours, woke up and moved to the couch for another 14 hours then went back to bed for an additional 8.

I have a picture of how I looked at the end of all that... but the Internet is forever and I'm far too prideful to post that picture. Just take a cross between Eeyore and Medusa and you've just about got it right.

Once I got back to coherent livability, I realized that I had one day to make all my Christmas treats. I wanted to take them to work on Wednesday and I wouldn't have time on Tuesday. So around 5:00 in the evening I got started. Note for future reference: Make sure you have everything you need before you start a baking tirade. 

I got the brownies baked- no problem. Went to make the sugar cookies and realized I was pretty much out of sugar and flour. Ummm... those are kind of essential in cookies. So I made a quick run to the store and grabbed much more than I would need- but just to be safe.

I got home and mixed up my mom's recipe for sugar cookies. Now, I have helped my mom make sugar cookies 10,000 times during my lifetime. But I've only ever made the dough twice before and this was my first time without adult supervision. The dough turned out fine- but I rolled it waaaaay too thin so they turned out to be more sugar crisps than sugar cookies. That is... the ones that didn't break apart when I scooped them up. Sigh... fine. Enough of them stayed intact to carry on. 

Only after I baked them did I realize I didn't have the stuff I needed to make frosting D'oh! So... once again, back to the store I went. Sigh...

These are actually last year's cookies that I dropped on the way out the door. But take away the snowman Oreos and add Holiday Chocolate chip cookies and they're basically the same.

Moving on to the chocolate chip cookies. I have made these a hundred thousand times- half of those in this year alone. I follow the recipe that my mom has used all my life. I have since tweaked the recipe one teeny tiny bit though to make it a weensy bit better. Well, I don't know where my mind was- but I tweaked the recipe totally wrong. They turned out flat flat flat. They looked like a dog who'd been starved and you could see its ribs poking through. You could count the chocolate chips in every cookie. They were ugly! (incidentally, they tasted just fine and I took them to work on Tuesday and got a ton of compliments even though they were ugly, scrawny dog cookies)

While those were baking, I sat down to start decorating the sugar cookies. I also put the movie Babes in Toyland to play on my iPad while I worked. Apparently that's all the multitasking I could do because while singing along with the movie and icing cookies, I totally forgot there were still cookies in the oven. So I made a batch of chocolate chip charcoal briquettes. You'd think this was my first time in a kitchen. Geez.

After that I gave up for the day. I got off work at 10 pm on Tuesday and had to be back at 7 am on Wednesday- but I was determined to take pretty chocolate chip cookies. So I got home and whipped up another batch- this time using the correct recipe. While they baked I cut and decorated the brownies. I put the trays together and crashed sometime between midnight and one.

I love compliments. I'm so vain. I know. But I love it when people tell me how yummy my treats are. So I was happily receiving compliments all day for the treats I took to work. I had someone from corporate shadowing me for part of the day and it always seems that when I'm the busiest, the weirdest things come up. I was so discombobulated and kerbobbled I didn't know which end was up.

Thursday I was stupid and floopy for much different reasons that I don't want to talk about. I stayed an hour and a half past my shift because I had to finish my work newsletter. My sister was coming in to town a day earlier than I'd planned and my house looked like it'd been put through a blender. Seriously- frosting on the walls and everything. Luckily, my sister loves me no matter how messy my kitchen is. I had a Christmas party at church that night to go to, then I had to come home and meet my sister to let her in my house and then I totally ditched her and went to my book club where I learned that you should always ask your date his feelings about dinosaurs and the theory of evolution. Noted.

When I got home at one in the morning-, Kim had fallen asleep on the couch even though she usually sleeps in my room when she visits. I'd washed my sheets for her so I went in my room to make my bed and go to sleep. I got a little over exuberant with the quilt and somehow knocked the light fixture cover off the ceiling and it crashed and shattered on the bed. [facepalm] At one in the morning I couldn't get out my vacuum because that is rude to the people downstairs. So I cleaned it up the best I could with my hands (only one small slice in the finger) and a lint roller to get the shards.

In the morning I got out the vacuum to get any little bits I may have missed on the floor and my vacuum promptly sucked up a plastic headband that had been kicked under the bed and broke the vacuum. Gah!!!

My sister and I took our aunt to lunch and then we went shopping. If Kim could be a professional shopper, I think she would. She is the most talented marathon shopper I've ever met. I was done after the second store. That night we met up with my friends Ana and Christina and saw the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert. I was pretty excited to see Santino Fontana perform... you know, the voice of Prince Hans. But to be perfectly honest, I was so ridiculously excited to see the Sesame Street Muppets. 

 

I have never denied that I am just an overgrown five year old. I may or may not have cried when Big Bird walked out on the stage. And I giggled every time Grover was part of the show. Aside from Kermit the Frog, Grover Monster is my favorite Muppet. The Monster at the End of This Book is my all time favorite kids book. The highlight of the night though was the Count and the Organist doing the 12 days of Christmas. I can't even explain it... when it comes out on video... just watch it. It was fantastic!

Saturday I sent my sister home and spent the day procrastinating doing my lesson for Relief Society. I've known for two months that it was my weekend to teach and yet still had never even cracked open the book to see the topic. I just kept finding reasons not to. Finally when I did... ya wanna know the topic? Personal Responsibility and Self Reliance. Yeah... holding yourself accountable for being a crap-head procrastinator. 

But- the lesson went well. There was lots of participation and I came home and crashed in front of a Hobbit marathon. I'd say tomorrow is another crash day- but I only have two days to prepare for Christmas because I work all the rest of them.

Oh heaven help me.

Gingerbread 2014

Thar be Christmas going on at the Baker household!  It always kicks off with the making of the gingerbread houses! There is a rumor going around that this tradition should stop. To that, I give a resounding NAY! NO! Some traditions can be flouted- not that one!

Look at all these happy faces.

Jessica and Miss P

Sadie (if that's not happy, I don't know what is)

Valeri and Mr D

Michelle and her winter wonderland

Shea's hand piped creation

And then there's Kim...

...and her fancy penguins

I'm not sure who invited these two yahoos... who are they? do you recognize them?

I told everyone that they HAD to pose with their houses for the blog. Being the writer of said blog, I am immune to my own rules. :) This was one of my houses.

And this was the other one. 

My mom had one too- but somehow I made it home without a picture of that one. :( sorry, Mommy.

M.I.A.

Well hello there, stranger.

Let me make my excuses up front. I have had a sick laptop. I tried blogging on my iPad and it doesn't work out so well. But supposedly it's fixed now- I haven't tried. I'm at my parent's house commandeering their computer.

This is going to be the fastest blog post I've ever written. Today is Gingerbread house day and I have seven minutes to let the frosting whip, then I have to get my butt in gear and assemble houses before the multitude arrives.

You haven't missed a whole lot this month. I have a lot of blog post ideas kicking around in my head. Let's see if I actually sit down and write them out.

The biggest updates- I have my Christmas tree up. It's been up for over a week now. I'm not usually one who will do that before thanksgiving- but this year I'm gone so much and I work long hours that I just don't think I'll ever get a chance to enjoy it- so I put it up earlier so I could stare at it. It's really pretty- in my humble [choke cough gasp] opinion.

The only other thing that I'm willing to tell you about in such a short post- is that the six months are up. I've collected my $20 that my coworker owed me for the online dating (pa-tooie) fiasco. AND the account is deleted. No more. I won't do that again. What a horrible way of being rejected. Ugh. I'm perfectly content to be alone. I mean- friends would be nice- but dating? bleh. I'm good. Thanks.

My seven minutes are up! I've missed you!

For the record

For the record:

• I am currently laptop-less (hence the pathetic lack of posts this month)
• I am now the proud owner of at least four Christmas trees
• I don't care for the smell of pine.
• I have already had my fill of winter. Bring on the spring!!!
• I am not baking anything to take to work for the rest of the month.
• There has been a really awesome blog post rattling around in my head for at least a month but I really shouldn't do it at work- and not having a real computer at home is making it hard to do. I'm afraid I'll forget it before I get the chance to really work on it.
• I saw Interstellar a week ago and I'm still not sure how I feel about it.
• Big Hero 6, however, is awesome.
• I'm not a fan of  Cinnamon Pop Tarts, but I've been eating them out of desperation.

All Dressed Up and Nowhere to Go

What a Halloween this has been. Oy vey. It seems that running around like a maniac on Halloween is my new tradition. I did it last year too. Last year Melanie and my mom were in town. Mel had an appointment at the cancer center and afterward I dragged her all over tarnation looking for stuff to be a mime. Do you know how hard it is to find white makeup ON Halloween night? Not easy.

My mom is a very unconventional princess. She wore her tiara like a visor. The nut.

Anyway- today. I finished the wedding cake I was commissioned to make (check it out!) and then hit the road to deliver it. It was to be delivered to Lehi. She gave me her address and I put it in my map thingy on my iPad- it's never led me astray before.

Do you sense where this is going? Yeah... I didn't know where I was going either.

My GPS gave out somewhere around Bluffdale- which is stupid because I wasn't lost at that point. Once I hit Lehi though- I had Nooooooooooooooooooo idea where I was and as handy as the grid system is, if a city is not laid out accordingly, then it's not easy to follow. Plus I was stopped at several school zones and I don't think anywhere in Lehi allows you to driver over 25 mph, so the going was slow as it was. What should have been a 33 minute drive turned into about an hour.

I eventually found her house (with her help) and got the cake delivered and set up. She laughed and said, "Hey! now you know where I live." I replied, "I have no idea how I got here. I would never be able to find it again." When I took my leave, she said, "Ok, now you take a right here, a left at the stop sign and you'll go down a big dip and eventually come to the freeway."

Sounds easy enough right? I have *NO* idea how it happened... but I ended up in freaking Eagle Mountain on the other side of Utah Lake. If you don't know what I'm talking about. Look at a map. What was funny was I had my mom on the phone with me and she also had no idea where the heck I was. It was so ridiculous. I finally stopped and asked for directions and his directions were horrible. So again, what should have been a 33 minute drive turned into and hour and half. It should have taken me and hour there and back to deliver that cake and it took me freaking three hours. Ugh.

Other than being deliciously funny- the only good thing about getting lost was getting to drive through town and see all the kids trick or treating up and down Main Street. There were some super cute costumes! I love it when people are creative. And the kids were all so cute! I saw a banana, an angry bird and little red riding hood skipping down the street.

Aaaaaaaaanyway. I had a lot of things planned for today that totally didn't happen because I lost all those hours. I stopped at my aunt's house for a bowl and chili and someone to dump all my woes on. I had decided against going to my ward trunk or treat party- but once I got home, I hurried and threw on my mime outfit and went to the church. I got there just as everyone was driving away.

So I came home to pass out candy to trick or treaters instead. I only had one group and they were really mean boys who honestly I should have turned away, especially when one shouted out "Give me more than one!"

I gave up after that. I sat here- all dressed up with nowhere to go. A lonely, pathetic mime.

Disney Leftovers

This post has been sitting in my drafts for weeks. I guess I should just finish it up and publish it. It'll probably be the last of the Disney pics for a while. Sorry.

 

I'm not entirely sure what happened with this trip- well.. that's not true... but I didn't take pictures for a "Where in Disney..." contest. If you remember from my Yellowstone trip, my camera is taking time off for sick leave. I borrowed my mom's camera and it doesn't zoom very well so I couldn't get any good detail photos. I thought about using these following photos for a contest- but it's been too long now- and I didn't bring a prize back with me anyway. Sorry guys. Won't happen again.

 

I thought that the popcorn turners were really funny. I've never really paid them any mind before- but there is a different one in every land. I don't know if there are more than these, but they are the only ones I saw.

 

The Yeti in between the Matterhorn and Small World. He's a lot cuter than the ones in the ride.

 

 

The Rocketeer! I was so happy to see this one! This is a great movie that has been kind of forgotten so the fact that they have this little nod in the park makes me happy. He's in Tomorrowland just outside Star Traders.



 

This little bloke was outside of Big Thunder Mountain. Not only does he have to pan for gold, he has to turn the popcorn.

 

This clown was right at the end of Main Street USA kind of by the Partners statue. He's a happy little fellow.

Sorry for the bad pic on this one- I was in a hurry. We were in New Orleans Square when my sister said, "look, that one's a pickle!" I had a good laugh at that as I took the picture of the Oogey Boogey Popcorn turner. I like to think this is his punishment for kidnapping the Sandy Claws.

 

The rest of these are the characters that we came across in the park. I really only try to get stuff I've never gotten before.  There was a little pre-parade with the Frozen. In fantasy land they have a little Frozen venue where you can meet Ana and Elsa, but the wait was like, an hour and half long- and as much as I would have liked to have met them, I didn't have that kind of patience. So the parade is the best I got.

 

When we first walked into California Adventure we met Oswald. He is one of the only characters I saw that day. I wonder if they weren't out because of how hot it was. This was the day it was 110 degrees. (seriously- I wish I was exaggerating, but for once in my life, I'm being completely accurate)

 

I know I have a bazillion pictures of Goofy, but I've never seen the characters in their Halloween costumes. It was just so darn fun! This was in the Halloween Carnival tucked behind Big Thunder Ranch.

 

Isn't Donald as a Jack o Lantern just about the cutest thing you've ever seen? Oh my goodness. The little kids were following him around and he had then all line up to play the carnival games (we joked that he was getting his ducks in a row).

 

On the stage at the carnival they had a magician come out and do a show. My sister got to be a part of it- but all the pictures on her camera. Anyway, it was totally amazing. I am the perfect audience for stuff like that because I am so totally clueless as to how they pull the tricks off. He kept saying "it's just an illusion" but when the little girl next to me asked how he did it, I just said, "it's magic" Seriously. He made little baby chickies appear out of no where! Oh my gosh it was awesome! and THEN he wrapped himself up in this banner... and turned into Sorcerer's Apprentice Mickey!!!

They paraded around the carnival a little bit- with the fun tall scarecrows. Disney never does anything half way. This little show was just so awesome- the music, the performers... and there were only like, 10 people in there. *No one* knew about it!

Inside the Conjure a Villain tent, we met the Evil Queen. Oh my gosh. This was the best part of my day. Our conversation:

EQ: Oh, hello.
Me: (curtsy) Your Majesty.
EQ: (looking at my birthday pin) I see it's your birthday.
Me: Um... yes (it was the day before my birthday)
EQ: Is it really your birthday?
Me: Um... No?
EQ: Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiies. I like you.

 

She was actually quite hilarious. She gave my sister a chat about who should be boss between the two of us. (You'd think it'd be the big sister... but really it's me)



After the magic show we went into the Villain tent again because we heard it was someone new.
In all my times in the park I have never met/seen (even in a parade) Maleficent! I was soooo excited!

 

I can't remember our conversation word for word- but she commented on my birthday and the fact that I was forced to wear pink... and with a rodent no less. Clearly I'd been forced to choose my clothes from the bottom of the rag pile. Hahaha!

I was so excited to meet her I forgot to show her my Maleficent purse. Oh well.. next time.

Another first for me in the park (and I'm sure most of these are only because it is Halloween time) was Jack Skellington and Sally.  Once again, the line was too long and I didn't have the time or patience to wait. So I just snapped a quick pic and we carried on.

 

I know I've already posted these... but really, I don't need much of an excuse to post pics of Thor and

 

sigh... Captain America. The Star Spangled Man with a Plan...

 

Call me an overgrown five year old, but meeting characters in the park is one of my favorite things! I can't wait to see who I meet next time!

40 More Days

A couple of weeks ago I saw this article and posted it on my FB wall- if you haven't read it yet- go read it and then come back...

Welcome back.

It's been a while since I've complained about updated you on my online dating (pa-tooie) experience.  I feel almost exactly the same as that girl. She took the thoughts from my head and wrote them down before I could get the chance.

I have to admit though- there have been a couple of people I've communicated with. There was one guy who could only communicate through "smiles" (pre-written one liners meant to break the ice). I would reply with my own words in an email- trying to start an actual conversation, he would reply with another smile. That's the only way he'd ever communicate. After a while I just wanted to slap his face and say USE YOUR WORDS!  but instead, just stopped responding. Smiles and Sparks are for breaking the ice. The ice was broken. Now you're just sitting there making the ice chunks smaller.

Then there was the guy who was really, really sweet- but not at all what I am looking for (and if you bring up the "beggars can't be choosers" argument like the a-hole in the comments of the above article, then you are a jerk. Because I'm am not begging. Why should I have to lower my standards just because I'm alone? I do not need a man that badly).

Then there was the one who wrote a funny, flirtatious comment, I wrote back... and that ended up being a really fun conversation over the course of a couple of weeks. This guy...? seriously. He could carry on a conversation, acted interested, could write a coherent sentence with proper punctuation... something I'd never come across before. To be honest- I would have given him my number that first day and gladly met up with him (and if you know me at all- you know that's a pretty big deal).

I'm not entirely sure what happened there, but in the middle of the conversation he just disappeared and never came back. Huh... ok. I don't know if it was something I said...? Or maybe he met someone...? Or could feel in his spidey senses that I had actually started talking about him with friends and that was just completely unacceptable..? It just seemed so strange to me that he was suddenly gone. Oh well, I guess. Good thing I didn't get too attached. I only have to regret getting a little too excited when I saw something in my inbox.

All that being said, this whole thing was only to last six months anyway. I paid for six months. Six months is all I'm paying for. I can get rejected by all the men in the world for free. I don't need to pay for it. So today I was checking the settings of my account and I unchecked the auto renew button. So in 40 days my account will be inactive.

Soon after, I noticed that I had a something in my inbox. My Pavlovian response is still to hope it's from him- but of course not. It was a letter from the administrators of the site sending me this guilt riddled letter:

Dear Heather,


This message is confirming you have turned off the auto-renewal of your subscription.

After your account expires on 11/27/2014, you will no longer have the ability to communicate with other members of this (pa-tooie) website. That means no access to email, instant message, or any of the other subscriber-only features that ultimately lead to finding and meeting God's match for you. Many of our success stories have started because of a single email or IM conversation and these options will no longer be available to you once your subscription expires. 

To ensure you do not lose your subscriber-only communication privileges, log in and click on the upgrade link at the top of the page and follow the steps to re-enable your subscription.  Please feel free to contact us with any questions.

Sincerely,
The Team at the online dating (pa-tooie) website

Ahh... All I have to say to that is



If  God needs this medium to introduce me to my "match"- then He has 40 days in which to do it. Because after that, I'm done with it.