Killing my internal optimist

Ok... I just have to get this out of my system. It will go away. I promise.

Remember a couple of weeks ago when I wished to have a crush on someone? Well, DANG it! It happened! Don't worry, I will squash it away as fast as I possibly can. Seriously- because I forgot what Bakeshow-with-a-crush is like. She's crazy. Seriously. And she's very VERY immature.

I'd like to think I've come a long way since high school- but still, the desire to drive past his work and make him cupcakes is overwhelming. I won't. Don't worry. I have been semi-flirting with this guy for a year and a half (and by "flirting" I mean, I try not to be sarcastic and mean to him [my usual self] and he responds  by just being nice[remember- men don't flirt with me- they are nice- but they don't flirt).

Anyway- A coworker today saw me chatting -sort of- with him today- and she was convinced he was flirting. I, however, am convinced he was not. Anyway- long story short- what she said gave me the slightest spark of hope that... maybe... just maybe... which led me to be a giggling idiot for the rest of the day. And when he came in again to work tonight, my heart skipped the teeniest beat and I forgot about the patient I was helping.

When I had to walk past him to get back to my desk, he was surrounded by his buddies- so I didn't dare say anything. He waved though- To.Be.Nice. He was only being nice. It was nothing- a wave- that's all.

But no. I have to spend the next few hours now pounding out that idiot that I allowed to run free for a few minutes today. See? Even the fact that I'm sitting here- recounting movement by movement of our encounters today- I just feel like a freaking idiot- but I want you all to know what an idiot I am too- therefore I will publish this post. I want everyone to be thoroughly aware of what a pathetic mess I am.  Have I convinced you yet?

This might help: It's been a year and a half- and I still don't even know his name.

Modern family

Who says family time is dead? We spent a great evening together tonight! All of us in the same room- at the same time.

(i had pictues of Sadie and Shayla too... but I don't know why they disappeared...)

Ahhhh togetherness!

Sick of it

I need a vacation from the world. I'm just so tired of everything.

I'm sick of reading the news and only seeing stories about death and corruption, scandals and scummy celebrities who have no talent except for that of being an embarrassment to the human race.

I'm sick of the grey, dismal sky and all the dreary muck and mud that has accumulated.

I'm sick of drama. Can't we all just get along? Seriously? Just for one day?

I'm sick of work. That's life though, I can't help that.

I'm sick of being poor. I know have way more than most- and I am extraordinarily lucky that I live with someone who lets me mooch off of her for free- but seriously, It would be nice to be financially independent. It really makes ya wonder why you spent all those years getting a degree, when you just wind up at a job where a fresh out of high school kid gets the same job you do.

I'm sick of complaining. Why can't I just be happy with what I've got? I'm sick of my attitude.

It's a funny holiday

I have nothing against Valentine's Day. You'd think this being the screeching ground of a bitter harpy that there wouldn't be kind words about this holiday, but it's fine. I like it. I like the idea behind it. I like what it celebrates. It's just all in good fun- and any reason to OD on chocolate can't be a bad one.

But here are some jokes I feel I want to share for the occasion:

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
No one because it's Valentine's Day and they're all out on dates.

 

• Hey! I just googled "Valentine's Day jokes" and my picture popped up!

 Q. Why did Bakeshow eat a bag of raisins?

A. Because she couldn't get any dates.

Roses are red
Valentine's Sucks
This poem makes no sense
Dump trucks.
   

Q. What is the difference between Bakeshow and a calendar?

A. A calendar has dates.

(PS, except for that last one, I made all of them up. Go ahead and tell me how funny I am now. No seriously... I need to feel validated.)



I stole this from cake wrecks. Bwahahahaha!

Online daters prepare to be offended

I have a confession to make. I did something last week that I promised myself I would never EVER do. Like, Ever. Well... let me start off a different way. Last week I had an amazing dream. Probably the most amazing dream I've ever had- it wasn't icky- it wasn't... well, of all the dreams I tell you on this blog- I'm not going to tell you this one. It was a little bit... well... special (I hate to use the word "sacred" because it wasn't at all religious- but it was something really special to me and I just don't fee like sharing it with the entire world).

Anyway, momentarily dazed after this dream- ("momentarily" meaning days) I decided that I need to be more proactive in my singleness situation if I ever want to change that (which, I'm not entirely sure if I do- but in a moment of weakness, I thought I might consider it) and therefore (oh, Lord help me say this without shriveling up and dying of embarrassment) I signed up with an online dating site.

For those of you who have been reading along with me for a while- you know how I feel about online dating. But, for those in need of a refresher: I am not against it. For those people who engage in such activities- more power to you. Please don't be offended by anything further that I say. If you are the exception, then I'm happy for you! I am speaking from my personal experience (and that of people close to me) only.

I can't lie. The only reason I got on was to see who/what was available across the pond. I'm not interested in staying in Utah. Facts be known, I rather hate living here. BUT if there was some dashing gent three thousand miles away, well, you know, it is hard to meet people of the same faith allll the way over there- anyway, that's why I signed onto the site.

Over the next few days I got smiles and IM's and whatever the heck it is they do. I only had the free account- I wasn't a paying customer- so I couldn't talk to anyone anyway.  But call me judgmental (because we all know it's true) there was just no one I'd be interested in. In my experience, the guys who go online (and this is where the offensive part comes into play) just aren't quality. I guess it's my opinion that LDS guys should not have a hard time finding a date around here. Seriously. There are scads of amazing women around who are all probably too good for them, yet would still be willing to go out with them. There is no reason for an LDS man to be shopping online for a local women. All he has to do is strap on a pair and ask one out! Women, yes, I can see why they go online- pickin's are slim these days- but in very, very few cases that I know of, does it turn out well (and why is that? oh, because the women are amazing and the guys are just looking for the easy way out of finding a willing, good woman).

Rant over.

Anyway, it's not my thing. I just can't see myself... ugh... chatting with some random stranger online. Heck, I have a hard enough time chatting with perfect strangers in person. The anonymity of the Internet is supposed to be what makes it easier... but I think it adds so much more doubt. How can you trust that the person is who they say they are? and not some crazy sleaze bucket just out to prey on vulnerable women who honestly trust what they are being told? At least in person you have a slightly better chance of picking up on red flags and making personal conclusions.

Long story short I deleted the account today. I gave it a week. But it made my stomach cringe every time I opened my email and saw "you have new matches" or "crazycreep sent you a wink" Gag. I just want to throw up thinking about it. But, I felt I had to confess it to you.

I hope we can still be friends.