Opinionated

What age is it that you genuinely stop giving a rat's rear about what people think?

Jim Parsons says it's 40. I can do 40. It's not TOOOOO far away (much closer than I'd like to admit, actually)

I wish I could be like that. I wish I didn't care so much what other people thought of me. I have opinions. I am vocal about them. I speak my mind- then feel badly when others don't like what I say. Not that everyone has to agree with me- I enjoy a good mental tussle over ideas- something that I don't ever get anymore since everyone is so PC and scared to say anything controversial. I'm one of them. I can't lie. There are so many opinions I have about things in this world that I keep to myself because I am afraid of the backlash of haters.

When that day comes- the day that I'm ready to turn this blog into a soapbox- I'll probably get shot for my opinions. But until then- until I'm ready to face the criticism that will come with saying everything that I think is wrong with the world- I will keep it to myself (Well, I'll keep it on a small scale of course. If you want to know my opinion on a topic, you have but to ask).

Imperfect

I have been accused several times of having the attitude that I'm better than everyone and that I think I'm perfect. One of these days perhaps I'll actually learn from that. I guess if more than one person says it, it must be true.

The last few months I will admit I've been a real bitch. There is just no other way to say it. I'm angry. I have so much anger pent up inside of me that I don't know what to do with it. I'm angry with stuff at work. I'm angry with stuff at home. I'm angry with life in general and apparently I'm not as good at keeping to myself as I thought- and yet I feel like my true feelings aren't being expressed.

And then there is the fact that I think I'm hilarious. Apparently other people don't feel the same way. What I thought was a brain stretching debate with a friend- he saw as my absolute inability to admit I was wrong. I knew he was right from the very beginning of the conversation, but I thought it was fun to try to get him to see my side of the argument. He didn't. But not only in that situation, I guess my humor is ill placed at times and things I see as witty, clever comments others perceive as insults.

Oh Lord, I've turned into my father! AUGH!!!! (Hi dad!)

What I saw as concern for a friend, was taken as me being intrusive and nosey. I just can't win. True, I have said some things that were out of line- but I guess I hope people will tell me when I'm being a jerk so I can stop- otherwise I don't know and I keep doing it. I usually tell people when they're bugging me- so I assume others will return the favor. I guess not.

Anyway, today was a huge lesson in humility. I know I'm not perfect. I'm so far from it that I can't even see it. But I guess my false confidence doesn't strike people the way I think it should. 

I always have to wonder- is that what I'm putting out there? Is that why I'm pathetic, alone and friendless? Probably.

So to those whom I have offended- here is a very impersonal apology. I probably don't realize I've offended you. But seriously, you *have* to tell me when things aren't funny, or when they're hurtful because I probably don't know. I will try to be more aware in the future- and perhaps my snark and sarcasm should take a vacation. I'm old and set in my ways so it's not going to be easy. Please be patient with me and just know that I am *fully* aware of the fact that I am not perfect.

The Countdown

Don't worry. I promised I wouldn't do a daily cartoon countdown this year and I won't.

But I'm starting to get excited here- and I've got a seven year old cousin that I'm trying to get excited to go too! So far- she's just kinda like- meh, whatever, it's just Disneyland. She's never been there- she just doesn't get how exciting it is!!! (I seriously don't know how this kid is related to me. I would have peeeeeed my pants if I'd known I was going to Disneyland at age seven. I didn't go for the first time till I was almost twelve!!)

Anyway, to try to get her excited to go- we made her a job jar.

This way she can do extra chores around the house and earn spending money for Disneyland (of course, two days after we made this, she showed up with a jar completely full of change... I don't think the rest of the family gets the idea or understands the significance of earning your own spending money. Whatever.)

So I decided to sit down with her and make a chain countdown. I thought if she could see how many days till we go- that as it got closer and closer she'd get more excited. 

After making about three links she got bored and left- so I finished it on my own. Seriously, I'm more excited than the kid.

Sharing the love!

I have an announcement! It's a WONDERFUL announcement! It's had me grinning from ear to ear all day! Seriously. Every time I think about it I giggle. I don't think my dear Auntie has ever seen me so giggly and giddy. In the middle of our conversation this afternoon I had to hide my face in my hands to stifle my glee- and she laughed out loud at the sheer idiocy of my behavior.

What has me behaving this way, you ask (especially after such a grouch-fest post as the one from yesterday)? Does it have something to do with a certain fireman? yeeeah, I'm gonna go ahead and say hay-ll no to that one. Does it have something to do with a MAN? Oh no.

He's a Mouse.

In fact, he's the leader of the Club that's made for you and me! M.I.C.K.E.Y. M.O.U.S.E.

I have been giggling all day because we solidified plans to go to Disneyland! In six weeks and some change I'll be there! We told my seven year old cousin that we were going to take her for her first time ever and she didn't seem all that impressed. I'm more excited than the seven year old?!? Ok, ok... that's not a shocker.

Don't worry- I won't do to you what I did last year; the cartoon-a-day countdown (which, for the record, I still this is awesome and a darn shame that more people didn't participate). But I do think it's selfish to bottle this and keep all this happiness to myself. So I am going to do a giveaway! *squeeeee*

Each day of my trip I'm going to take a picture of something in Disneyland. Each time you guess (via email which I will post when the time comes) will get your name in the bucket. If you guess correctly that will get your name in an extra time!  The prize will be determined later. It will be something from the park that I'll send to you. Don't get TOO excited... I'm not rich so it's not going to be like, one of those fancy porcelain figurine music boxes or anything. Sheesh. And I'll have to keep it reasonable in case the winner is international (I don't want to have to take out a mortgage to ship it to you) so be realistic. It's enough to be the winner!

Maybe I'll do two prizes. One for the person who gets the most pictures correct, and then one for a general drawing of participants. Hmmm... we'll see. I've never really done a giveaway so I'm not entirely sure how it's done. I'll post the official giveaway deets when it gets closer.

Until then- I'll be dreaming of this:

Half Empty

I have a headache. I've had a headache for three days and no amount of Ibuprofen will get rid of it. That usually does the trick but this is one stubborn brain drain.

Because of this, I've had a pretty lousy weekend (don't get me wrong, there were some fabulous highlights but we're focusing on the negative right now, so deal with it).

So I've decided to make a list of things I don't like. Because it's funny and I can.

• I don't like having a headache. That should be obvious so we'll just get it out of the way first thing.
• I don't like cooked fruit. I don't know why this is weird to some people. I'll eat (most) fresh fruit till my head falls off- but once you cook it? gag-o-rama! For me this rules out any fruit pie (cherry, apple, berry...) and any of your cobblers. If you put fruit in cookies that's just mean.
• Along the fruit lines- I hate, loathe, despise and abominate cantaloupe. I hate the sight of it, the smell of it and the taste of it. In fact, I can't eat anything that has even touched cantaloupe. And if you cut cantaloupe, and then (without washing it) use the same knife to cut watermelon, I can't eat the watermelon because the taste is that strong and I can't handle it. Some people, when they come home from their missions, they tell stories of the really gross things they had to eat as missionaries, such as bird fetus, or monkey brains or chicken beaks... me? the thing I had the hardest time choking down as a missionary was a slice of cantaloupe (well, that and a badly made flan- but we'll leave that off today).
• It really REALLY bugs me when people think that non-Disney movies are Disney. Anastasia is NOT a Disney movie! not Not NOT!!! GAAAAHHHH The Land Before Time is also not Disney. Whenever I see pins on Pinterest that are all Disney related- but they include a non-Disney movie in it- I can't bring myself to pin it because this bugs me so much. (ps- sense the tone and you'll find how I feel about the movie Anastasia. bleh).
• When other cars go under the speed limit I go crazy. If you're driving the speed limit and I want to pass you, I can't get mad at you- but when you're driving 25 in a 40 and I can't get past you- just know that I am mentally shooting lasers at your head.
• I can't stand people who are as fake as a three dollar bill- when they're SO fake that you wonder if they're faking being that fake- or if they really just think you're that stupid that you won't realize how full of crap they are.
• I don't like watching the news these days. What a horrible world we live in. I wish they would talk about the wonderful things that happen- all the miracles that happen everyday, instead of the death and destruction that humankind is bringing upon itself. Who needs another plague? We'll kill ourselves off eventually.
• I don't like being alone. I've had years of practice and you'd think by now I'd be used to it- but I'm not and I still don't like it.
• I don't like eating leftover macaroni and cheese. Eew. It never reconstitutes just right.
• I don't like matching my socks back up after I wash them. I do it- but I don't like it.
• The same can be said for ironing. My wardrobe would triple if I would just iron my shirts.

Meh... there's probably more but why list them all today? I have a whole lifetime ahead of me to air out my complaints. :)

Do you see what I see?

Have you seen this video? My friend had me watch it the other day. I guess a conversation we'd had made her think of me when she saw it the first time. I in turn have had several other people watch it. (Here's the link just in case the video is not showing up here.)

Interesting? I think it's a tad bit hoaky, and I don't know just how true to life it is- becuase honestly, I think I would be nicer to myself than I think a stranger would be. I mean, I see my flaws and stuff, but I see things in myself that I don't think others see.  Well- that MEN don't see. Women see me as beautiful all the time because we're a lot nicer to each other and look more on the inside. I think if they were to let a man describe me though, the end result picture of me would look like Mimi from Drew Carey.

Speaking of men, have you also seen this video? (again, the link just in case)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Oh I love the people who poke fun at things- and yet still hit the nail on the head.

(thank you Nicole for posting this on FB so I could steal it from you)

Anger Management

I feel like posting today, but I don't really have anything nice to say. I'm having an anger management issue and until I get over it, I only want to kick people in the teeth. So for the benefit of humanity, I'm hiding in my dark bedroom trying desperately not to think about the person I want to punch and all his FREAKING ANNOYING QUALITIES GAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

[ahem] sorry.

Anyway, here are some of the Pins from my Pinterest board "One Single Voice" because they are funny and they make me laugh- and laughing is good for dissipating anger.

This is so true it's sad.

So are these:

(Or when he sees me and doesn't acknowledge my existence- because I'm not stupid enough to text him!)

I've said this before.

and

And we'll end with my personal favorite which is so hilariously true that every time I see this picture I nearly pee my pants laughing!

You're welcome. Have a nice day (my anger has abated, thank you very much).

Woman of the World

I'm not even sure how to explain myself in this post... yesterday I got the oddest compliment.

back story:

I work in an industry where you meet people from all walks of life- and this area is quickly becoming a melting pot of people from across the world. Seriously, there are tons of people flooding in from war torn countries. I find that when you meet people who are in an uncomfortable situation (the Emergency Room?) and they speak very little English, it's very comforting to them to hear even a word or two that they recognize.

So I try to know how to say a few words in any language I come across. I'm not fluent in anything- even English- which is my native language and college major- I screw up every now and again. I know the teeniest bit of Spanish. Enough to ask where the bathroom is and and order two beers (and I'll never get to use that one because I don't drink- and if I ever did start drinking, it wouldn't be beer).

Ok, I speak a tad bit more than that. But don't tell my co-workers that because then they'll expect me to register all the Spanish speaking patients and I don't speak it well enough to feel comfortable doing that.

I know a bit of French (thank you Lady Marmalade [another phrase I'll never be able to use]) and even some Creole. I can count to three in Japanese... or maybe it's four. I can also say 88 because it's funny and easy to remember. I learned how to say "I love you" and "Big Bird" in Chinese (don't ask which dialect because I totally don't know) by watching Sesame Street movies, and I can say hello in almost every Polynesian language. I can't exactly remember which greeting goes to which island... but I know most of them.

"Buongiorno Principessa" is a phrase that pretty much anyone who watches foreign films knows (of course, in Italy, they just call that one a film) and I can pronounce most of the foods correctly when I order at the Olive Garden.

I can tell someone to shut their mouth in three different languages. I can wish you a Merry Christmas in at least four, and yell at you in German that "I Love You" but "Kissing is Forbidden". I can tell you in Russian when there is danger and greet you in Latvian.

I used to be able to say some things from a tribe in Ghana... but I tried them out once and the person had no idea what I was saying so I stopped trying. I can still say it- but if he couldn't understand, then I'm clearly not saying it right, although it sounds exactly the same to me as how he said it. I also used to know the whole Pledge of Allegiance in Sign Language but I've forgotten most of it- but I know a few signs (not all obscene).

The funny thing is, even though I don't really speak a second language, I've often gotten compliments on my accent. My friend tried to teach me French on our drive from Idaho to Colorado. I couldn't tell you what he taught me, only that he complimented my accent. When a girl from school was teaching me some Latvian phrases, she said I sounded native my accent was so good.  Yesterday at work, I was talking to an patient who spoke Arabic. I know two words in Arabic. That's all. Hello and goodbye  (or at least their general equivalents)

As I walked from the room, he asked "Did you spend time in the army?"
"No" I replied, trying to figure out where the heck that came from.
"Oh, your accent is just so good that it sounds like you spend a lot of time speaking it."

I take that as a huge compliment! I think it's just my ear. I hear the way it's said I and just copy it. Which really bugs me about the one from Ghana- because it sounds the same to me... ugh... I guess I need to work on that one. I also need to come up with some words in Vietnamese, Nepali, Farsi, and Korean. That will be my next goal I guess...

Clarification

I feel like I need to clarify something for the world. I've had a lot of people telling me lately that "You need to get out there more" and "You need to get online and find yourself a husband" and "Girl, we need to get you married!"

To. Be. Clear.

I am not looking for a husband.

I wouldn't know what to do with one if I had one. Honestly, a lifetime seems like an awful long time to spend with someone- we wont even talk about eternity- in fact, I can't even imagine a conversation longer than ten minutes without breaking into a cold sweat.

All I'm saying is that it would be nice to be noticed once in a while. It would be nice to be a normal person and have the ones I flirt with flirt back- instead of seeing that I'm there and running and hiding in the other room until I walk by (oh yes, it's happened). It would be nice for someone (sane) to ask for my number- someone who can make me laugh and have something to look forward to when I get up in the morning.

Not someone who is going to make me feel even worse about myself than I already do. I am trying very hard to weed those kinds of people out of my life. I need to feel needed, but I also want someone who is going to be there for me in my time of need too. Not someone who is going to dodge my phone calls when I need a shoulder to cry on, or someone who is going to put me on hold every time someone else beeps through on call waiting.

It's important to be nice, but it's also nice to be important. Even if it's just to one person.

So no, I'm not husband hunting. But it would be nice to have a friend (a local friend, people... I know I have friends).

Although, it seems like all I do these days is whine. No wonder I don't have friends. Sheesh!

ps, Barbara, are you still there? Did you see my reply to your last comment? I wasn't the least bit offended.

pps, to my last post I had to add in the "stats" the 6 pens that I stole during my travels.

Dealing with Denver

So last night after I got home, I started to write my travel blog of my adventures in Denver. I was so bored writing it that I knew you'd die of boredom reading it- so I put it off. I'll see if I can't be a bit more creative today.

Don't let that in anyway lead you to believe my trip was boring. It was so far from boring that normal life is going to seem very humdrum for a while.

A few weeks ago my Lisa friend told me she had a buddy pass expiring and would I like to come out to Denver for a few days. Does a bear sit in the woods? Of course I'd like to go to Denver! I didn't even have to ask for work off, it was my regular weekend off.

I flew out Thursday afternoon. When Lisa was able to get off work, we drove to her house and played with her cute baby, Justin for a while then went to a movie. We're movie premier buddies- and this was as close as we could get to the premier of The Host. Good enough- and I didn't even have to lose sleep. It was surprisingly good. I thought it would be kind of embarrassing like the Twilight debacle.

The next day we had lunch at Old Chicago (if there is not Old Chicago in heaven, I don't want to go!) and then home to watch a movie while Justin napped.

That evening she drove me to Desiree's work and dropped me off. I'd gotten all fancied up and Des and I drove downtown to see a play. First we had dinner with Tina and Lesley (Tina just got engaged- and Lesley just got a new phone that fell in the toilet, so they both had pretty big news!) at Little India. It was sooo good- but I was so full from lunch that I could barely eat anything.

The play was so good! Sense and Sensibility the Musical. I'll tell you, I think it was so good because I went in with some seriously low expectations.  It was either going to be awesome, or the kind of thing where Jane Austen was rolling in her grave. The music was actually acceptable, and the acting was fantastic. I laughed my head off- and even cried once.

After the play, I had a minor meltdown on the roof of the Denver Center for Performing Arts. Crying to Des that I didn't want to go back to Utah where I am always alone and don't really have any friends. I never knew what a needy people person I was till I moved here. I've always been surrounded by friends- but  here my friends are much fewer and farther between.

Anyway, after that, we met back up with Tina and Lesley for pie. Hanna also joined the throng. I haven't seen her since I moved out almost three years ago!!! 

Saturday, Lisa and I wrangled Justin as we tried to watch conference. Between sessions we got an Anthony's pizza and Ben and Jerry's ice cream. They have my ice cream. That right there is reason enough to move back to Denver. Enough said.  And Anthony's is the best NY style pizza I've found outside Jersey.

After conference, I met up with my old manager from the [cough] bank and her family. I loooove her family! We had such a great time at dinner. I've known her son since he was about five years old- and her daughter was only a few months old when I left.

The conversation at dinner:

Me: Austin, you're so handsome I can't get over it! (he blushes and looks away)

Zoe: [pouty face] What about ME???

Me: You're beautiful!

Zoe: [matter of factly] I know. [well, duh] What about Daaaaddy?

Me: Daddy is also handsome.

Zoe: [satisfied, crosses her arms and glares at me] and Mommy? 

Me: Mommy's very beautiful too.

Zoe: Yup! [loses interest and moves on]

After Chris took the kiddios home, Amanda and I spent a few hours- just talking. We wandered the park meadows mall and retraced our old haunts in Parker. We made some pretty awesome memories in that town, too good to be forgotten easily. It was really, really good to see her. She is another one I haven't seen since I moved- so it was nice to spend some good quality time with her. She is very much a kindred spirit.

Sunday morning I got up and headed to the Carroll's for conference. They had their children ever so reverently sitting around a table coloring or working on some cute project to help keep them engaged during conference. I wish I'd had so much to keep me occupied. I tried playing with my iPad, but honestly, I didn't get a whole lot out of it.

I stayed for dinner and family prayer. I felt I'd overstayed my welcome a little- but it was just so nice to be in their home.

Monday was my last day. We got up early to make the most of it. Hanna and Lisa's friend, Sharley met up with us and we all drove up to Boulder to the Celestial Seasonings factory. I've been there before, but I still love it anyway. It just smells so good. That peppermint room- YOW!

I even got brave and drank some of the tea this time- I usually fore go because I really don't like tea (we call it tea here, but it's really an herbal infusion that contains no tea whatsoever). Did you know that some teas curdle milk? yeah... I didn't either. I learned that the hard way. Ick.

We all took turns bouncing Justin around. Poor kid. It was a long day for him.

But, regardless of the tea, you get to wear these super sexy hair nets when you go into the factory. I'm pretty sure I should take this look on the road.

Since we were in Boulder, we seized the opportunity to go to Beaujo's. That's all I should have to say: Beaujo's. That is all.

I had to laugh though, if you remember this post, you'll agree that it was funny that at one moment while we were waiting for our food, I looked around the table and saw this:

The ride home was filled with a few tears, a few tantrums and lots of apple sticks being shoved up noses.  And that was just Hanna and me.

Alas the time came for me to pack my bags and hit the road. I am very VERY grateful to Matthew and Lisa for letting me crash with them and steal their car for a couple of days. They were very gracious hosts.

The trip home was an adventure in and of itself.  Last week when Lisa looked at returning flights for me, there were 50 open seats. Somehow during those four days the plane filled up. Since I'm flying on a buddy pass, I'm basically the dirt underneath the low man on the totem pole when it comes to being allowed on a flight. So we left for the airport a little early so Lisa could figure out how to get me home. 

There were three open seats and I was the fourth standby so it wasn't looking good. She started looking for alternate routes. Then the wind came. We'd heard rumors of a storm a-brewin'. It was supposed to hit Tuesday, but already flights were being re-routed and/or cancelled. It was looking worse and worse. I had to work the next day but it was looking like I'd either be late- or have to call in.

She asked if I wanted to just try again in the morning- not really. If Denver was already closing up, there'd be no getting out in the morning. So she booked me on the flight to Phoenix. I'd have to sleep in the airport then fly out early early in the morning to get back to Salt Lake. I was fine with that. I even started to fantasize a little bit (I have a great imagination that keeps me entertained to no end) and getting excited about my little detour adventure. Just then, Lisa told me that due to the storm, some meeting somewhere had been cancelled, and five seats just opened up on the original flight. So she printed me up a boarding pass and hugged me goodbye.

I was quite literally the last person on the plane. The jet way behind me was totally void of life.

Because I was the last person on the plane, naturally there was no room for my carry on bag. I had to unpack the breakable stuff and gate check the bag. I was fine with that- I used to do it all the time. But Southwest isn't like Delta- when they gate check your bag, they put it in with the other baggage and send it to baggage claim instead of giving it back to you right as you de-plane. But seriously, not a biggie.  Or was it...?

The flight was full so I of course got the middle seat. I felt sorry for my row mates- I hugged myself the entire flight trying to take up as little room as possible. We were on the runway for about a half hour. A lot of planes ahead of us were turning around. People started to wonder if they'd cancel us. I refused to believe it. I'm a lucky traveler and I was determined to get home!

My positive vibes paid off and we were cleared for take-off. It was a bumpy ascent, but you all know that I believe a flight without turbulence is a total waste. I LOVE turbulence! It's like a free roller coaster ride in the sky.

When we touched down in Salt Lake, I headed to baggage claim. I stood there like a schmuck with 3,000 other people. One by one though, they gathered their bags and rolled away. I still stood there. And stood. And stood. A handful of other people had the same looks on their faces as I the oh-crap-where-is-my-stuff look. The carousel stopped, and we all herded like cows to the baggage claim office.

I don't envy those girls their jobs. Seriously. They get nothing but pissed off people because the only time you talk to the people in that office is when the airline loses your stuff. Bleh. What a job. Anyway, when it finally got to me, they told me because I was on a buddy pass, that when/if my bag was found, I'd have to come get it, they wouldn't deliver it to me. I was a little angry, but really the only thing I needed in the suitcase right away was my journal. 12 years in a row starts to become a habit you can't do without, ya know? but again, I started to fantasize about all the things I would get to buy to replace the stuff in the bag. I was really excited to go buy all new makeup when someone came in the office to say there'd been a jam in the carousel and he sent up all the bags that were stuck. Mine was among them.

See? lucky traveler.  Also while I was in line, I found out that the later flight from Den-SLC had been cancelled. And I because I had been booked on the Phoenix flight, I got a phone call from them as well, that flight had also been cancelled. So as it stood, I was the last person on the last flight out of Denver. I am one lucky bug.

Trip stats:

Movies: 3 (at least that I can think of right away)

Pizza: 2

Pasta/Rice dishes: 2

Easter candies: too many

Pints of ice cream: 2 1/2 (and I'd do it again right now if I could)
Stolen pens: 6

Friends: Who needs a number? It's enough that they were there. I love them. I miss them.

Thanks guys!

Jerk Alert

Ok... So the giggling idiot rears her ugly head once again. He came into work again- and darn him for just being a stupid handsome face cutie pants! Ugh!!! Life would be so much easier if he acted indifferent to me every time (like his last visit) instead of letting his whole face light up- like seeing me just made his day. damhimdamhimdamhimdamhimdamhim. With guys who are mean- I know where I stand with them- but the nice ones? they make me think- and we all know that thinking is dangerous.

I have been grinning like an empty headed jack o lantern for two days. It's time to talk myself down out of the tree. When I got home last night- my aunt noticed my unusual giddiness (no one should be allowed to be that chipper after working a 12 hour shift) so she asked what my deal was. After I briefly explained, she asked, "Well, did you make a move?"

HA! The woman obviously doesn't know me very well. I don't make the move. Ever. I just stand and stare awkwardly and hope that someone else does something to relieve the tension. This has thrown me into one of my philosophical moods. Why don't I make the moves? It's the 21st century. It's not unheard of... right? Nope. There are three reasons, three very good reasons why I don't make the moves.

Every time I've ever asked a guy out:

• He says no right away
• He cancels on me before the date
• IF the date happens, it turns out to be a freaking disaster.

Examples:

My very first date- I was 19. I hosted a Murder Mystery party. I had a crush on this guy at church. I invited him to be my date. My best friends were coming as well- so I had good moral support. He finally said yes, but kept changing his schedule- hind sight now tells me that he was trying to get out of it, but optimistic, innocent me kept rearranging the date of the party to fit his schedule. Finally the day of the party arrived, all the guests came in their costumes. He didn't put much effort into his costume- he was supposed to be an old western town doctor. He just showed up in his church clothes with a black briefcase. Lame. Anyway, he participated only minimally in the party. He spent the entire party talking about this other girl at church, and even left the part early to go over to her house. Seriously. He just left. We were all sitting there in our costumes, eating dessert and he left. They stayed for a few more hours- but he left. Not the best experience of a first date. Jerk.

When living in Provo I had and even BIGGER crush on a guy from school (ironically, both of these guys' names were Paul). We flirted like crazy!! we had a class together and we usually just sat in the back and giggled the whole time. Man oh man ,I liked him. He'd ask me to dance at institute dances, we'd sit by each other in meetings... sigh... I'm not gonna lie- I still harbor a crush on this guy and it's been like, 12 years. Anyway, my roommates finally got my courage up to where I could call and ask him out. We had plans to go to a comedy club. That's fun and not at all threatening, right? Anyway, I called, asked him out and he said yes. I was elated!!! He said YES!!! It was still a few days away though and one day after work, I came home to the dreaded message on my voicemail (this was back before I had a cell phone  and people used home phones with voicemail [that's a nice story, grandma]). He cancelled on me. I don't remember the message he left- probably blocked from my memory- but he cancelled. Fine. It wasn't the end of the world, right? I remember he had what seemed a legitimate excuse. Later that day I had a meeting at the church- I knew he'd be there and indeed he was. In fact- as I was walking down the hall- he was walking toward me- and made a fast shuffle and pushed his friend out of the way so he could dart down another hallway to avoid me. He never talked to me again after that. Sigh... Jerk.

The other one that pops to mind is the kid who lived in the apartment above mine when I lived in Provo. I think his name was Mike. Anyway, we were chatting one night- about life in general. He was just a friend. Not at all someone I would have thought to date. But we made plans to go see a movie- and of course, next day he called and left a message that he couldn't go- and again, he never talked to me again. Jerk.

There was even one in high school- I didn't even ask him out- but he found I was going to ask him out- and never spoke to me again. Jerk.

Oh!!! And then there was the time in Denver I asked my super mega crush out and he showed up on the date... with a date. Yeah, that wasn't at all awkward. He wins the Super jerk award.

So you see- it never really works out for me to do the asking. If they want to hang out with me- they'll make the effort, right? I'm still trying to get brave enough to ask this guy's name. There is no way I'm asking him out. How freaking terrifying is that? Augh!!!