Today I'm Thankful for...

   

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Sure fire ways to not get invited back to GNO

I have learned the sure-fire way to never be invited to a girls night out ever again! Just follow these simple ten steps and you'll find that you too, will never be invited back.

Step one: be the bearer of bad news that the movie you've all been planning on seeing for a week is sold out. Seriously. It's been out for like, a month and it was sold out. It's not even like we were trying to see the new Twilight- which I could understand being sold out... but.. really? anyway..

Step two: Tell everyone to go to  a different theater- which gets them stuck in traffic for a half hour behind a wreck that is blocking all of creation from getting by.

Step three: Pick a restaurant that makes everybody sick. We tried our hand at Joe's Crab Shack. Should'a known that one just from the name. Anywhere that sells T shirts asking, "Got Crabs?" can't be a classy establishment.

Step four: Use your friends fist as a microphone while you sing along to the song in the movie trailer and she stares at you like you've just grown another head and announced that you're secretly dating your cat.

Step five: Lose your keys.  (This is where you really start to drive home the fact that even though you sit at home most of your weekends off, you just don't belong in public with normal people [I use the term "normal" rather loosely]). Then make everyone crawl around on the popcorn and soda smattered floor looking for them. Just for good measure, bring in theater management and security to help look- just so they'll agree with your friends that you should not be invited on another GNO.

Step six: Make your friend drive you half way across the country to get to your house- to which you do not have a key to get in and no one is awake at home and won't wake up to the beatings on the door or the ringing phone. Then, once you've finally remembered the secret entrance to the house that no other living person knows, you get your spare key and have her drive you back across the country to your car.

Step seven: As soon as you say your goodbyes, wait till she's out of sight, then call her and tell her your car won't start. No matter what you do. If you're lucky, she's a beautiful, brave woman who has no trouble getting the nearest guy to slobber over her and offer help (If I'd asked, he would have said he didn't have jumper cables and revved his little Mustang away as fast as his horses could take him).

Step eight: Make her call the tow truck because you are too technologically deficient to have a phone with Internet.

Step nine: Keep her out all hours of the night, away from her husband and cute babies, with her sister dying in the car from the dinner that she ate. Wait till the tow truck comes then make her stand out in the freezing cold rain with you- even though she's only wearing flip flops.

Step ten: When mall security shows up wanting to know why there is a tow truck in the parking lot, make her do the talking because you just feel like... well... an ass.

Seriously though- It was all a bit of a miracle. When we first learned my keys were missing, Kaetty offered a prayer (her faith never ceases to amaze me). We retraced all our steps and thought the only possible place I could have put them down was at Deseret Book when I stopped in to buy some chocolates to sneak into the movie (is this Karma? Really?). But it was after 11:00 and of course DB was closed. Then my spare wouldn't start my car. I have never had a problem with my car so I was absolutely baffled!  We got chatting with the tow guy who tried to jump the car as well as the noble boy in the mustang- and he wondered if it was because my spare key did not have the chip in it- so it would open the door, but not start the ignition. Huh... I didn't know cars do that.

When the security guards came up to find out what was going on, Kaetty told them that it wouldn't start and I interjected that it'd been a long night already with the missing keys and all. The guard asked, "have you been to Deseret Book tonight?" I affirmed we had, "Well they have your keys. I have her phone number and she said when someone came back for them that she'd come open the store and get them. She only lived a few blocks away. By this time it was one a.m. She came! that is what I call amazing service! I just can't believe she would do that. They aren't even open until Monday!

Anyway, we were hoping that if I could have my regular key, that would start it and I wouldn't have to have it towed. So the tow truck guy graciously waited while the security guard walked back with me to wait for the lady to open the store.

The story has a happy ending with my car starting right up as soon as I had the proper key. I am just so grateful for good people in the world: for the tow truck guy who stuck around even though he didn't have to and knew he probably wouldn't get paid (I did give him some money- but not as much as he would have made towing my car), the security guards for coming over to see what the deal was and ultimately having the KEY to saving the day, the lady at Deseret Book who came back at one in the morning to get my keys for me, and most of all, to Kaetty and poor Rachel for sticking by my side until I was back in my car and heading home.

I'm gonna Gobble Gobble you up!

Wow... That post title seems a little... I dunno- Freddy Kruger? Weird.

ANYWAY

There is another holiday coming up! I'm starting to feel all holiday-ish inside. And bored. So I perused Pinterest for a project (Yikes... sorry, did I just spit in your eye?) and came up with this little beauty.

Super easy- my little six year old cousin had a blast helping me (that is- when she could tear her attention away from Barbie and Pop Star--- but who can blame her? I watched it too. Good music).

Double Stuf Oreos. Malt Balls, Peanut butter cups and candy corn, some melted chocolate chips for glue, and whatever you have around for eyes (I used sprinkles. Seriously- had my tweezers out and everything- it was intense)

While we're on the topic of sweet treats- when I went to the store today, I wandered down the snack cake isle. Empty Shelves. It almost made me cry. It made the realization that today's Hostess announcement might not be a ploy.

Hostess has saved my life (almost literally) (ok... not really) on several road trips and early mornings. All of us have fond memories relating to these snacks. Seriously. You can't tell me that you don't have one fond memory that revolves around a Hostess treat.

I would like to have a moment of silence for some of our favorite snacks.

Hostess with the mostess- You can't leave me!!!

For Narnia!!!

I had the most awesome mid morning nap dream on Monday (and by "mid morning" I mean, about an hour after I woke up and until lunchtime- I lead an exciting life).

It was my first day at a new school. The day before, someone had given me a new orange car- just because. What a kind stranger. On my way to school, I stopped at the store and bought a dvd and one other thing (that I am kicking myself because I can't remember what it was but it was a totally random item) and went into the school. I'd accidentally left the items in the grocery cart by the car.

During the day, I realized it was not a real school, but the set of Glee. I was an actor, not a student. Later that day, as I was walking through the parking lot, Iwas talking to Artie from Glee, (who was obviously the actor-not the character- because he was walking, not riding in his wheelchair). I walked with him to his car, he was very friendly and I was happy to have made a new friend. I also ran into the girl who plays Mercedes. She was in her car and I stopped to talk to her too. They were all very nice and seemed to welcome me to the set, but she kinda brushed me off like I was just a random fan girl.

As I walked, I asked myself if they really were nice, or if it was trying to be their friend because they were the stars- I got to my car and realized someone had bashed in the back end of it- to the point where the trunk hood was crumbled in pieces all over the place. I sat on the ground and cried. Tears were pouring down my face as I said, "I just got this car yesterday!!!"

There was a crowd of people around me trying to soothe me and help me solve the mystery of the wreckage. I got up to inspect the rest of the car. The engine was gone- everything was gone. The inside of it was completely gutted. It was only the shell of the car left. I was grateful I had just gotten it and didn't have anything of real value in it. Still sitting next to the car was the grocery cart. My items were still in it. That confused me. I thought to myself, If they were so intent on taking everything- why did they ignore this cart of brand new items? I picked up the dvd (which I can't remember what it was- but I know it was a chick flick) and walked back towards the stores. I knew shopping would make me feel better.

I was at this store looking at dresses- the shop keeper was mean mean mean. so I finally stood up to him and asked, "Is this store associated with the LDS church?" (there we little ceramic temples lining the walls)

Confused, and said, "Why yes, but we are not owned by the church."

"Then even though you are not a member of the church, you still in some way represent it- and you can not talk to me that way. I am your customer and you have to treat me with respect!"

A wry grin spread across his face as he said, "Congratulations, you won a free dress for standing up to me. No one has ever done that before. Pick any dress you like." He turned away from me, he put on a pair of gym shorts and went off for a jog, leaving me alone in the store. I tried on every dress.

I was soon joined by my friend, a faun (Mr Tumnus?). As I was trying on a giant frilly ball gown and thinking how very silly I looked, a woman's voice rang from the sky saying, "Take this to save my children!" Suddenly there was a great wind. I ran to the door and a funnel cloud was descending on the shop door. It came up to the store, lingered a minute then dissipated as suddnely as it formed. As the dust cleared, I could see it had left behind a ten foot tall red lamp post.

I looked around and other people on the street. They had stopped and were staring as aghast as I was- so I knew I wasn't crazy, other people had witnessed this freak of nature. I was so confused I didn't know what to do with it. With my friend's help, we struggled to get it inside the store.

I asked Tumnus if he would let me use his hooked umbrella for just a minute. I stood up on the ridge of the post and leaned out using the hook of the cane (umbrella-it kept changing from one to the other) around the post. I was going to swing around in a circle and scream "FOR NARNIA!" because I'd just always wanted to do that.

Seeing that was what I was going to do, Tumnus jumped up and stopped me. "Don't you dare!"he shouted, "That is the way to activate the lamppost and you're not going back without me!" I thought he was being ridiculous, so when he hopped down for a minute to pick up his packages, I twirled around the post and shouted, "For Narnia" as though I were leading an army into battle in my voluminous ball gown. Soon, I began to spin uncontrollably, but it was not making me dizzy, or causing me to fear falling off- Tumnus screamed in rage as I continued to spin. He raced about the room as if in fast forward, and I just knew it was because I'd activated the lamp. When I finally came to a stand still, I was in a snowy neighborhood, lined with houses.

I looked about two blocks down- and the snow and neighborhood suddenly stopped, and opened up into a mall food court. There I met with a friend dressed all in white and explained what had happened with the lamp post. She promised she'd help me save Narnia, and we ventured back into the snow.

And sadly, this is where I woke up- and  I couldn't go back to sleep to get back into the dream. Gah!!!!

FOR NARNIA!!!!

Dream On...

 I had the sweetest/saddest dream the other day. I don't remember all the particulars but I'll to my best.

My friend Wendy died in a car accident- which was horribly tragic and I sobbed for ages. Then fast forward- I was making her husband's wedding cake for his next wedding which I thought was happening all too soon- but who am I to judge?

Then there was another part where I was a school teacher and I shared a classroom with two other teachers, both of whom were amazingly beautiful- tall, svelt women who had bodies of beach volleyball players- anyway, then there was dumpy ol' me. There was a man in our classroom- I dont know what he was doing there. He was trying to pose as a student, but he was obviously closer to my age than that of a student.

All the kids were going on a field trip to go shopping for clothes for the beautiful teachers. I decided to stay behind and write. I had a small notebook, It had the kind of paper that has flower petals engrained in the paper. It was pink and I was writing with a silver pen and I was writing about Wendy's death and Mike's second wedding, when I noticed this man-student sitting in the classroom just staring at me. 

"Why aren't you on the feild trip?" I asked.

He replied, matter of factly, "I'd rather just be near you."  uhhh... ok.... I thought, and kept on writing, and he kept on staring. I tried to ignore him.  Each time I looked up, he'd moved his chair a little bit closer to me till finally he was within several inches.

"Why do you want to be near me? Wouldn't you rather be with the beautiful people?" I asked this as I was looking down at my notebook,almost afraid to look at him. when I finally did look up at him to get an answer, his face was within inches of mine- it nearly took my breath away to have him so close but I refused to look away and appear a coward.

He said, "I AM with the beautiful person" I just sat in stunned silence for a minute- not able to look away from his amazing root beer brown eyes.

"Who are you, really?" I asked. He told me in a whisper- so soft I can't remember what he said. It was something heroic- he worked for some agency that did something super noble and I was so impressed that the next thing I knew I had leaned in and kissed him. It was the sweetest, softest kiss and I remember thinking- this is the first kiss I've always dreamed of.

sigh..................... if only.

Ok, Not to ruin the moment- But I was looking for a picture of a "first kiss" on Google- and the first thing that popped up was a wiki-how article about "how to kiss!" HAHAHAHA!!! You really can learn anything on the Internet!

Hey Kids! It's time for another...

Good Idea: Having lunch at the Olive Garden.
Bad Idea: Going on a day you can't taste anything.

Good Idea: Eating at the Olive Garden.
Bad Idea: Going clothes shopping right after.

Sick

I've been sick all week. I've called into work twice- and spent my days off in bed, not moving much further than the kitchen- and only when necessary.

Here are some of the images that you'd most likely see if you came to see me right now (which I would not advise) [please note that none of these pictures are mine- because that would mean actually getting up, taking pictures and then downloading them to my computer- two things I can't be bothered to do today. You're lucky you're even getting this much.]

Soup. Mine didn't look this good- and I couldn't really taste it... but I ate it anyway.

My box of snot rags is never too far from my side...

... nor is my arsenal of medications. None of which really seem to work. I still can't breath and I still feel like I've been hit by a truck. But I'm afraid I'd feel still worse if I tried to NOT take them- so I take them anyway.

This is laundry day.  So you can bet your booty it's not getting done. Awesome.

It snowed today- so that means I get to break out my cocomotion and make somefrothy. super hot, hot chocolate (the ONE good thing about winter).

Tomorrow I go back to work. I have to or I'll get another occurrence. I never EVER call in sick- and yet I have some co-workers who call in every time. One unfortunate girl seems to have all her family members die on holidays and weekends. Shame. But I don't have the conscience to call in. When I do call in- I spend my entire day feeling guilty, no matter how sick I actually am. Oh well. Guess it's good that I work in a place where everyone already claims to be sick.

The Obligitory Election Day Post

I did something really stupid. I didn't register to vote.

Don't yell at me!  I didn't know there was a deadline!

I am *SO* upset. I have been so excited to vote in this election. I've been watching all the debates, keeping up on the issues- and for the first time in my life, I actually feel marginally informed. I feel so awful that I don't get to vote. So many people fought and died so that I- as an American citizen- could have the opportunity to vote- and even more sacrificed so much more so that I- as a woman- could vote.

I am sick that I don't get to vote. Ugh.

On a lighter topic, there is one movie that is solely responsible for teaching me how our voting system works. I knew years before the other kids about the Electoral College, and that the winner is not necessarily the popular vote.

I learned this from a Disney movie called the One and Only Genuine Original Family Band. It's loosely based on a true story. It's set against the backdrop of the 1888 presidential election between Grover Cleveland and Benjamin Harrison.

If you ever get a chance to watch it, you should. All I can find online is the trailer, and a few of the songs (there is also a version of the whole movie, but it's sped up that it shows everything in 5 minutes- and is set to really stupid music, so I'm not going to bother mentioning that one).

The best line from this entire movie is:

"There's a time to stand up and fight for what you believe in. And there's a time to join hands and work together- or all the fighting doesn't mean a thing."

The point is, get out there and vote! And Wednesday, deal with the results, be they your personal preference or not.