Hunting Season

I am crabby, crabby, crabby. I hate job hunting. I don't know what I want to do with my life. Well, I do know, but it's not like I can apply for that job, it kinda has to find you. grrr... I don't like writing resumes and turning them in to companies that I'm not familiar with. I don't like the rejection that comes inevitably from every single one (rejection or ignoring- they both suck).

I really don't know what I want to do- professionally. I never planned on having a career and therefore did not set goals for myself. I mean, I want to write, but I'm too damn chicken to submit my work, plus I was told even if I wanted to write- not to quit my day job. I have always said editing, but I don't think being locked away in a cubicle reading someone else's work would be good for me. I like people. I like to be moving- not sitting at a desk all day. My dream job would be something that travels everywhere- and pays for it. But I'm sure jobs like that are impossible to come by.

People say I would make a good teacher. I admit it has it's appeals: no weekends (technically), no holidays, and summers off to travel. Hmmm... but the thought of going everyday and putting up with teenage attitude and snottiness makes me cringe. I hated high school. Teenagers are jerks and I don't imagine that has changed for the better. Plus it means more school, which in turn means more debt. Sigh... which also means some other brainless job to work my way through till I can get certified.

So until then, I get to think of answers to questions like "well now what?" "how are you going to afford that?" "are you sure that's a responsible thing to do?" ARGH! I don't know! I would be a fool to just sit here and wallow in self pity, but I feel judged for trying to take advantage of opportunities now that I have a little free time... but always the responsible daughter I'll probably sit at home and do nothing with my life for fear I'll be the topic of family gossip. "Did you hear what Heather did? I don't know how she can afford it. I don't know why she isn't out there looking for a job instead of doing..."

Instead of dealing with it, I'm hiding in the basement bedroom of my parents house. Home for a lovely visit with friends and family. I don't seem to have enough time for everyone- yet I sit at home during the day and stare at walls. Blast all of you who have a purpose in life!

Fired

You all know how much I love my job at the bank... and if you know me at all, you know I just lied. When I moved to Colorado two years ago, I got a job to pay the bills until I got the job I actually wanted. Thing is, I got too comfortable in the job. It was easier to stay at a job I didn't like, and that- quite frankly- I sucked at, than looking for the "right job."

Well, I guess I learned everything I was meant to learn from there because at ten o'clock this morning, they let me go. I made a stupid mistake on Friday and even though the mistake was found, and explained, they had to let me go for "legal reasons." Meaning that if some other chump did the same thing on purpose, they would have to fire them too. If they kept me and fired someone else over the same reason, then they would have a law suit on their hands.

I can't say I'm sad to go. I'm sad not to have a paycheck anymore. That part sucks so bad I want to throw up- but I will make it through this. I have already filed for unemployment- I don't know if I will qualify because the reason I left was "my fault" but at least I am trying. I would like to think I could take some time off- write, visit my family, spend time in my happy place, etc- but I don't know if I will be able to do it knowing I don't have any money coming in and the little that I do have won't last long.

Maybe I'll go back to school, get my masters, or maybe a teaching certificate and help rotten teenagers learn to love the classics. Hmmm...

Personally, I think everyone should get fired at least once in their lives. It's a good learning experience. I am not bitter with anyone at all. And I have never seen the Lord's hand in my life more than right now. In a month if I'm not working, I may change that tune, but for now. Don't cry for me... but you can send money if you want! Ha~

Kissing Lessons

As you may not know, I have been promoted from Queen of the V.L. Club to Empress. Just thought you'd like to be kept informed.

Along those lines. I think if the moment ever arrives for my Club Graduation, it will be the most awkward moment of my life. I have no idea how to handle a situation like that. The other day I was spending time with a friend (Ok, it was "Willoughby;" don't ask, it's a very long story) and he walked me to my car. We stood there and talked for quite some time. There were times in the conversation where we would stop talking and just be looking at each other. In my head I was thinking, "Oh crap, what if he tries to kiss me? Do I want him to? (of course I do, but it wouldn't help matters at all)" We would stare and stare into each others eyes... then I would chicken out and look away.

I think if I am ever to get out of the Club, it's going to have to be against my knowledge- He (whoever it is) is going to have to steal my way out because I'm too stupid to do it myself. Maybe I could take lessons so if the opportunity ever presents itself again, I wont be so... ten years old. ARGH!!!